Terrapin Tables

Boo blank website.

Hooray content.
This is sorta funny. And long.
This is shorter and funny.

Story Time

With everyone's favorite hype man.

Hooray Booze

How not to rob a liquor store.

If Only...

Take this article, change "NMSU" to "UMD," "Aggies" to "Terps," and date it like '01, and this would be a hell of an article. Cause for celebration.

The Amazing Dr. Levy

We found you Roy. You can’t hide.

Apparently Roy works at a school for gymnasts. Or merely subsidized by people with a ton of cash.

Good luck reading that Extended Vita. $5 to anyone not named Roy who understands a damn thing that it says.

Note the presence of Karen from fantasy football on the publications. I am sure the mere mention on this website will inspire her team to destroy Roy’s this weekend. Latent variables win championships.

Oddly enough, no mentions of pirates on his site.

A Difference of Opinion

I'm a weird cat, as most of you would readily volunteer, some kind of hippie-tinged rocking-out douchebag that still carries more bitterness than Abe and Jasper combined. So people when are surprised when I do things like, I dunno, get coffee at Starbucks. My argument? Yeah, that company sucks, but I give a shit. Life's too short for bad coffee.

Then there's this guy, who took a radically different approach to life, protest, and death.

I agree with what he has to say, but I can't quite wrap my head around how he said it.

First one to post the cover of Rage's first disc wins obvious points.

Bowl bowl bowl bowl

It looks like we'll be heading to the Champs Sports Bowl, or the Chik-Fil-A Bowl with a little more luck.

I don't have any witty remarks, or anything else cool to say. I thought we'd be stuck at like 4-6 right now, and since we're not, yay. That is all.

Jesus Camp Update

Remember that Jesus Camp documentary that was on the site here awhile back (first entry, second entry). Well, the camp featured in the documentary has shut down.

Shenanigans!

Some pretty creative tactics this year:

Homeless people bussed in from PA & DE to hand out misleading literature.

"Three African American leaders support the Republicans in today's election." Much to their surprise.

If you vote, you'll be arrested.

Help Me Make the Man-Cow Funny

Okay, this is actually good news. Maybe it's bizarre enough that conservatives will back off enough that something good can be done with stem cells. Even if not, weird Brits are freaking making half-cow, half-man embryos. I can't think of a good joke, so someone help me out:

- Something about a Man-Bear-Pig coming next?
- Something Yakov Smirnov like, "in the future, burger eats you?"
- A joke about the chickens finally winning the chicken-cow struggle first examined in a hard-hitting documentary series brough to us by the Chik-Fil-A corporation. Or perhaps this is the sign of a new cow-man alliance in said war.
- Can this process be refined, perhaps to turn me into an Adrienne Barbeau-bot? (that one's for Nate, and makes absolutely no sense).

See, that's all I got and it ain't much. I also have Jay's voice in my head from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ("In this vision of a world gone mad it is the monkeys who will spank you"), but can't do anything with it. Someone please make a better joke about man/cow embryos.

Awesome Halloween costumes

I've spent the last 10 minutes looking at these great costumes on collegehumor.com. Just keep clicking on the pictures to see new ones. I have no idea when it ends.

Two samples that are at least tangentially related to TT:
Beer pong:

Duke lacrosse guy (somewhat tasteless, but I haven't offended anyone in a while):

Halloween

I'm bored, haven't posted in a while...

So, I had my first Halloween experience with a kid this year. And no, not handing out candy at the door while drinking beer and wearing a Redskins jersey, harassing children. One where I walked around Elizabeth. Good times, met some, um, interesting neighbors and at least it didn't rain. Anyhow, I am not a really big fan of Halloween, just don't "get it". Like Valentine's Day, is it just a scam? A scam by the candy companies to make money? A scam by robbers to peer into houses so they can scope out crime? (a Chad Fisher twisted thought). Or just a way to make kids all big and fat. I have a solution

Smarties, those little rolled up candy dealies - 100 calories

Natural Light, refreshing malt beverage - 95 calories

Conclusion: Give kids beers instead of candy.

Results:
- Strong arms from carrying that shit around
- Less fat kids (bad dodgeball games everywhere)
- Less diabetic children (more alcoholic children, but ignore that)
- Kids learn to curse without having to learn from parents
- Good night's sleep for Halloween

Look for the outcome next year on your local news. The headline will read "Local Baffon Nabbed Peddling Beer to 5 Year Olds"