Terrapin Tables

Time Waster

Waster?

25 signs that you're growing old

Yeah, we're getting old, according to this list. John still knows when Taco Bell closes though, so he's still good.

Whitlock...

I actually agree with him, for the most part. hmmm

Blogsome

Hooray Beer. & Wine. & Liquor?

Numerous interesting articles, including this really dangerous development. In future news, Roy becomes Arizona's leading producer of empty aluminum cans. Their weakness dictates mass consumption.

Calloo! Callay! Oh, Frabjous Day!!

A celebration! Fireworks are in order!

The odd words in this posting's title are from Lewis Carroll, from Jabberwocky. They're the best celebration words I have, plus, Carroll is an actual great writer. Unlike a certain behemoth of an idiot of a shittalker of a mor4n. I can mean only one person: Jason Whitlock.

Here is Whitlock auditioning for the role of Notorious B.I.G. in the straight-to-DVD feature "Biggie: How Big is too Big - Life and Times of a Fat Guy with Headphones." The part ultimately went to Star Jones.

I can't find confirmation, but it's being reported on Deadspin that Whitlock is leaving Page 2. He's leaving ESPN. He's entering a geosynchronous orbit over Jupiter, as his girth makes Ganymeade look like Deimos (Fatboy will get that: it means he's fat. FAT.).

Regularly, we, usually meaning "I", take time out of our busy (hardly) days to circulate in email fashion the befuddling, distressing, race-clouded, illogical ramblings of this alleged "sports writer." Regularly, we have called for his disembowelment (unfeasible from a clean-up standpoint, that's a lot of bowels), his firing-off-into-space (rising fuel prices have made this economically unrealistic, as breaking orbit with his mass is near impossible with conventional rocket propulsion), or even his dying in a fire (we'd have to wait for another massive Arizona wildfire, but okay).

Now, though, the dark days are behind us. Good bye Jason Whitlock.

I leave you all with this photo, one that Whitlock certainly has framed above his mantle. He's assuredly dusting it now so he can stand back and admire its loveliness:

Jason and 93-year-old NFL veteran Jeff George at their Life Partner commitment ceremony in 2005. Not visible in this AP photo is Whitlock's left hand. It was lovingly massaging the sore spot on Jeff's nutsack, which was heavily bruised from banging against Whitlock's chin so much.

A true celebration is in order. Whitlock, you stink.

Goose and his plane are Dead

A small part of Ricky died today...

Navy retires F-14

Maverick: I feel the need...
Maverick, Goose: ...the need for speed!
(Cue awful music)

It's That Time Again

Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Play with fire, Noodle.

I tried to get him to build a flamethrower - no dice. I think I've tried a hundred times to get Rick to do stuff that could have burned things down (yet, I remember trying to stop him from holding lit fireworks in his hand two Julys ago).

Now, though, I'm, playing the nerd angle - get some liquid oxygen. Hear me Nelson? Get some liquid oxygen.

Either/Or

Mindless

Thought-provoking

Uncle Sam gets a lesson about "bukkake"

OK, this is just funny. The Smoking Gun is running an article about the arrest of a adult-website operator for delivering "obscene" material. To present the evidence to the court, the scenes of the videos are described in detail, along with definitions for porn terms like "scat' and "bukkake". It's all just a little surreal considering the otherwise serious tone of the document.

Random Naked Women's College

Anyway, Mike alerted me to this development this weekend. However, Randolph Macon Women's College has voted to go co-ed. Remaining unchanged, however, is that fact that Lynchburg sucks.

Just because

Whitlock at it again...

Another retarded article written while his lips were secured around Jeff George's nuts.

Good and Bad

I just found out, after 49 weeks of living here, that there is a casino less than three miles from my house. Who knew. This is very good, because my ignorance means I haven't been sitting in a casino all the damn time getting poor. This is a bad thing, because now I can go sit in a damn casino every night and get poor.

What sucks is, all their games have "California" rules. For example, there are Jokers in the blackjack deck. Zug? In other news, they have poker.

Daddy scores

Sure, it's news now that a girl did it. I remember Pat doing this shit when we were like 13...I was standing in the goal about 100 feet behind him.

Sad

Steve Irwin aka 'The Crocodile Hunter' died.

Stupid Idea of the Day

Honestly . . .