Terrapin Tables

Sexy Bitches

Oh yeah - we look good.

No Cheating

No cheating, no holding back embarassing results. If you don't know who someone is, or think we won't, you have to Google the name and give a brief explanation.

Me, in order of "most look like" to least:
Ray Liotta
Patrick Dempsey
Ethan Hawke
Ursula Andress - a Bond Girl (Dr. No)
Marguerite Yourcenar - French novelist
Joseph Conrad
Marco van Basten - pimp Dutch baller
William Hurt
Indira Gandhi
George Lucas

And then I adjusted the box around my face and Evander Holyfield and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Fuck.

Child's Play

I know many of you have some experience with kickball, specifically WAKA. Anyway, I figured I would post this since I share many of his opinions, assumptions and pessimism.

English Only Cheese Steak Wars

Since some of you are from Philly, I thought this story might be of interest. Via Dispatches from the Culture Wars (scroll to the bottom - the page doesn't render properly), apparently Joey Vento, the owner of Geno's, has generated a bit of a stir for putting up a sign in his window that said, "this is America, please order in English." The ironic part to the story that makes it worth telling, as pointed out in the comments of the above entry, comes from a Boston Globe opinion letter, where the writer comments on a visit to Geno's in 1965:

At that time, all the menus in Geno's Steaks were in Italian only, and the staff spoke Italian exclusively and refused to speak English to non-Italian-speaking customers. Even the "Employees must wash hands before returning to work" sign in the men's room was in Italian. You had to either order in Italian, use charades, or point to a picture.

Anyway, as it should be, the comment thread quickly turned to where really is the best place to get a good cheese steak.

Le Tour du Fruntz

Fine, maybe the only guys here that give two shits are the guys named Chris. But still, you gotta love a sport where you get to drink while locking up your win.

Eight straight for the Americans...or, as I like to think about it, eight straight wins for former mountain bikers in the world's premier road race event. The cool kids are beating up the nerds. Giggity.

Daddy Did It

Pat and Densie got married:

And, of course, we celebrated (apparently John's shot wasn't so good):

I know I had a great time this weekend -- probably the most fun I have had since my own wedding. It was great to see everyone -- and Pat and Denise certainly know how to throw a good party. Congrats you two -- and I hope the honeymoon was a lot of fun.

Oh - and if anybody finds Tunde's shoes -- I am sure he would like those back. You can probably find those at the same spot where I misplaced my dignity....

Popping the veto cherry

Despite his party controlling the House, the Senate, the White House and the Supreme Court, Bush is finally getting a bill put in front of him which he will have to veto, his first. The bill would allow federal funding to be used for research that uses excess embryos, presumably for the use of stem-cell research. It is worth noting that ever since in vitro fertilization has been used 28 years ago, clinics have ended up with excess embryos after the fertilization process - the procedure for these embryos has been, and still is, to dispose of them by throwing them away into a waste bin. Apparently that's OK with Bush, but using them to find cures for Lou Gehrig's disease, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's disease is right out of the question.

It should be noted that while Bush has never signed a veto, he has issued over 750 signing statements - these are directives signed into the bill which state how the bill will be used. For example, when Congress passed the Detainee Treatment Act banning humiliating treatment, Bush simply added some text declaring that he would only apply this law if it was consistent within the scope of his congressional authority - implying that he would not let the law apply to any actions he was performing as Command-In-Chief. While not the first president to use such orders, it's worth noting that he has issued more signing statements than all other previous presidents combined.

More info is here, and here, and you can find much more by just Googling "signing statements Bush".

Rout the Turtle

So, as I predicted in so many slurred, drunken, and vaguely coherent ramblings while dripping ketchup from something Mike barbecued onto the toe of my shoe (wait, I was always in sandals...whose foot was that?), the Terps are taking it kidney-deep thanks to the ACC bringing in all those football powerhouses a few years back.

ESPN, never wrong when it comes to prognostificationology, has declared "there are legitimate concerns about Maryland's football future in the expanded ACC," and furthermore, "the Terrapins will be hard-pressed to show much improvement in 2006." To which I say, do not use "football" as an adjective, ESPN. Shows what you know.

Things to make you feel good:
- EJ's brother is a linebacker too, and he'll cut you if you say he has a girl's name.
- Josh Allen is healthy. For now.
- We have one of the best "tackle tandems" in the country, which might be a good thing...or, it might be something you pay extra for at a swinger's club. Either way, we win!
- Our other linemen are "intelligent," which is a vast improvement over the lineman paradigm.

Things to make you feel bad:
- "Jo-el Sta-tham (clap clap clapclapclap)"...was heard more than anyone will be chanting approval for Hollenbeck...and we gave a standing ovation to an unproven backup once. MDQB = SUCK (this is not a code, Rick. Or an unbalanced equation, Roy).
- 76% of passes completed last year ended up in the hands of people who are now either 49ers or grocery baggers. The Niners will win two games this year; the grocery baggers, four.
- Our new best WR has a hyphenated last name. This means he was raised in some kind of foo-foo PC lovefest. This means he expects a spirited round of two-hand touch to take place and won't exactly be Keyshawn when it comes to contact.
- Our kicker was 68% last year. Remember bigger numbers are better in this category.

The Fridge says he's tired of losing...I think he means his fork (ooh, a fat joke, classy). I, for one, will be wearing my Maryland gear to Candlestick this year and pretending the Terps are still in bowl contention.

Ye Olde Pube Crawle

Someone said something about a pube crawle, but here we are about a day later and I get no nothin' from nobody. Was it so good that everyone remains in Havertown recovering, or did it just suck and there's nothing to talk about? And who needed a respirator after Ultimate?

Glug, Glug, Vroom, Vroom

Kind of ironic. I am a little surprised that water gets you drunk.

Why the hate?

Adult video store employees have a job that already sucks. Dealing with weirdos, mopping up fluids, and staring at DVDAs all day can really wear you down. I'm speaking from first hand experience here, having managed a video store with a sizeable porn section in the past (over 1000 titles, about 40% of total store business).

So I can say that going Pele on a five-foot-zero, ninety-pound Asian girl so you can grab a handful of Red Light District DVDs ain't a friendly thing to do. Be easy on your local wanketeria clerk, please.

Sidenote - acccording to Wikipedia, the DVDA is a fictional act. I maintain that this has to be bullshit, because if someone's thought about it than it's been filmed. Seriously, if you don't occasionally check out some porn you'd be amazed at what goes on in some of these videos. For example, there's this series (NSFW) and this act, which I have seen on film and which manages to repulse even me. So I know at least one of you (I'm glancing over my shoulder at a certain individual who responds to Noodle) would have seen, downloaded, and archived a DVDA by now. In which case you should hit me up on the AIM and get a file transfer going, because I need somethig to watch while I eat dinner.

Just what I need

Something else to impair my ability to play golf.

So we're not blank over the weekend

The statue of liberty is overrated.

Ever closer to invincible

Now all is need is for Gummy Bears to cure hair loss.

Just Because...

I finally downloaded some pictures from my camera....