Terrapin Tables

Priceless

We all know the Redskins have gone a little corporate, but the latest venture verges on alarming. Mr. Tony and the Washington Post itself detail a new plan in which Redskins season ticket holders may purchase their tickets via cash, check or credit card. However, should one choose to use credit card, the "Redskins Extra Points MasterCard" must be used. The 'Skins line on this move is that it "helps process our tickets and get them out faster." First of all, the deadline for paying for tickets seems to be in March, while the season doesn't start until September. So I guess 6+ months isn't enough time. According to the article, one season ticket holder has already applied to the credit card & been declined, leaving the person to find other means to pay the $1340 for a pair of tickets. Any notion that this new policy is anything besides a blatant money grab is ludicrous in my opinion. I am not even sure how this is acceptable. As I understand it, if you accept one type of Mastercard, you must accept all incarnations of Mastercard. There is even a guideline for merchants that says "each Acquirer and Merchant must accept cards equally and without discrimination." But I guess it doesn't matter. There is a prodigious waiting list for Redskins season tickets. So for every fan who discards their obstructed view seats, there is another to step right in, drink beer and stare at concrete. And every fan who must forfeit their season tickets because they can't scrape together the money or get approval for the credit card, there is another who will happily take their place. But perhaps I should save this venom for when a team I root for does it. Not that I'll ever be so fortunate to have season tickets. But even so, I am part of a collective fan-base. For the time being I am spared, though I suspect the moment when the fan base that I am a part of gets screwed is close at hand.

Now it's mainstream

So the sports guy referenced my new favorite show. that sound you hear is john falling out of his chair.

...Offendarity ensues

I think this is funny. More people should think it's funny. No one else, apparently, in the whole wide world, thinks it's funny. SFW.

This is not good karma

Check out this article from today's Philadelphia Daily News (the people's paper). Numbers 5, 6, and 7 are interesting, on very different levels. All in all, such lists and the rest of the column simply cannot make the football gods happy.

Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

Apparently, I'm the only one that sees a problem with this. There is so much evil in the following sentence: Wal-Mart set up a huge marketing campaign for a 3 Doors Down record a year before it was ready, leaving the band 17 days to get the record done. No one involved had even heard the actual music - it had yet to be written - they were happy, respectively, to have a name and sell a name. On personal and philosophical levels, this really offends me. Seriously. I would make the argument that art should not be a commodity, but actions like this one make it easier to argue that most of today's "music" isn't art. Which also bothers me...deep down...where I'm soft...like a woman.

Oddness

So I have this Philosophy/Linguistics class about what it is, exactly, that language does. Yeah, lots of fun. We were talking about how language is really a set of signifiers - "cat" only means "cat" because we all agree on it's significance - and the Prof then, after some exposition, used the following example:

"I mean, you wouldn't say 'I like to paint' to signify 'I'm bored' without some sort of special comunication involved."

Wow...we're special.

Around the Web

Trying to search the archives, I found some appearance of our dinky little website around the internet. Sort of cool:

TTables helping someone in Rhode Island with their beer pong table.

A review of our online beer pong games.

We are the first link on a site about "how to get the ladies."

the madness is spreading

F U JJ

Last night's Box Score

Prepare yourself for Sunday's epic battle between Will Bowers and Luke Schenscher.

Word

Word, I'm back, alive, and have lots of stories and pictures. I'll set up a highlights/lowlights later, but for now, go read about Mr. Seth in the A.V. Club. Interesting: "Q: You were scheduled to travel on one of the planes used in the 9/11 attacks...". Wow.

Hey everybody

So, I'm back from my taxpayer-funded trip to Hawaii/random parts of the Pacific. It ended up being a 15-day trip, with only 3 days at sea (score). The constant 75 degree weather was nice, especially when I realized how much damn snow was covering the U.S. recently. Also, you'll all be proud of me becoming a regular at a bar (well, as regular as one can get in two weeks). Which honestly, is a very easy thing to do when you go every night for a week and drop most of your $90-a-day per diem (thankfully, the price came down significantly after they got to know me). And it was a local bar, so the other alcoholic regulars just assumed I was from Honolulu, and I got to hear them bitch about tourists. The three days spent on the ship was pretty an interesting experience - I got to see some neat tests (linking up to other ships, helicopter landings, etc.) The testing I did for my job was limited to just a few hours in the early morning, so I had a pretty sweet gig.

I also had the weekends to drive around the island, so I saw the entire coast, as well as the mountains in the middle. It's mostly good scenery and small towns, with Honolulu being the only real city there. Anywho, for those craving random bits of information, here's what I learned about Hawaii:

• People don't jaywalk much at all. It was three days before I saw anyone walk before the little red hand turned into a white walking dude. People thought I was nuts when I crossed the street, despite the fact there would be zero traffic at the moment.
  
• There are these stores called ABC Stores, and they are everywhere. I can honestly say there was at least one on every block, and several times, they'd be across the street from each other. There were two in my hotel alone. They sold touristy stuff and CVS type convenience items, so there's no real complaint, but I was just amazed they could turn a profit.
  
• All Hawaiian words just blend together. With only 13 letters, and weird rules like every consonant must be followed by a vowel, you get these words that all look alike, which can be confusing when driving.
  
• Jesus, don't get me started on driving. In the Waikiki area, just about every road is one-way. And with the traffic, their solution is to change traffic patterns based on the time of day. Combined with the whole words-blending-together thing, driving/navigating involves a bit more skill than here, so if you're ever there, bring a good map.
  
• Despite being a far-away island, Hawaii is just like every other state when it comes to infrastructure and technology. I was surprised to see the high-speed internet, and all sorts of different news stations available. So, although it is like a little island getaway sometimes, the only thing you really have to get used to there is the nice, constant weather.

HFS is back

Well, sort of. Starting tonight, 105.7 is "HFS" from 7pm untill Howard Stern starts in the morning weekdays, plus all weekend long. Tim Virgin, Nici, and Big O were on the radio tonight, though I believe that it is Virgin's gig. I thought since there was a post when the 99.1 went espanol, this might be worth mentioning. There was also something about them being on AOL for broadband.

Son of a .......

So....... Maryland released their schedule for the upcoming football season. And, to both mine and Kristen's surprise -- they decided to MOVE THE FUCKING TEMPLE GAME. So, after bending over backwards to make sure that my wedding was against a crappy team on the road -- they move the god damn game. Who do they play on Spet. 10th instead? CLEMSON. AT HOME.

I am praying for a noon game -- I can at least catch the first half.

Random Crap

Something for those of us who once upon a time got a free windbreaker or back-pack from our tobacco pushing friends.

Something from the same page, now that most of us are in the vicinity of 25. I say that we institute these ideas immediately. Ok, not 70, but definitely 85.

What Ali G has been up to.

Fitness Celebrity John Basedow is Missing.

Well then

Since everyone seems to be doing something exotic and interesting, I will contribute. For lunch yesterday, I drove to Arlington to pick up a credit card from a bar that I had left there the night before. Why? The answer, as always, is that I am an idiot. On the way back, I went to Taco Bell. In Arlington, for whatever reason, beef grilled stuffed Burritos are like 30 cents cheaper a piece than they are in Columbia. Imagine my delight and surprise. I could barely contain myself. I then proceeded to eat one on the ride back to work, trying not to wreck my car in the process. Can you imagine anything more exciting? It is like the home edition of Nascar. Then I worked until 6:30. Since rush hour is a 24 hour phoenomenon on the beltway, I sat in traffic on the way home. Then I went to McDonald's and bought two Big Macs. I am on a diet. I sat in front of a TV, drinking beer from the kegerator and watch NC State blow their lead against Duke. At halftime, they detailed Maryland's problems with John Gilchrist, which was a nice touch. I went downstairs into the dungeon, and turned on my TV with magic cable. "Along Came Polly" & "50 First Dates" were both on. Imagine my luck. I then entertained the notion of attempting to burn a hole in my eyelid with a cigarette. So there. Go off to Hawaii. Go off to California. But rest assured that my life is just as interesting as always until I figure out how to tie a noose.

Rack Me...

...cuz I'm out. I'll will be incommunicado (read as: cooler than you) for the next two weeks as I party with rock stars in California. Yeah, you know you want me. Anyway, cross your fingers I don't die in a horrible fireball somewhere over Kansas. I shall leave you with this, a very awesome way to create posters/huge pictures/etc. I saw it on some nerd show. Maybe Genie can make a triumphant 6'x8' return to debauched glory.

Okay, so maybe Rick is cooler, because HI trumps CA. But he only gets to ogle gorgeous unattainable women on a beach, whereas I get to misbehave with people you have never heard of and ogle slutty plastic unattainable CA girls at concerts and such.

Daytime TV

Things I see when I get up before 2 p.m. (I tried my best to get all quotes exact):

On Judge Mathis:
"Plaintiff [some woman] ended her relationship with the defendant after he allegedly gave her a sexually transmitted disease. She's suing for damaged property."

Some TV movie:
[During a girl's first kiss]: "I love the word epiphany...it sounds like icicles breaking."

ESPN:
Sean Salsbury picks, in one of those damn "if you had to win one game" timekillers, Michael Vick over Duante Culpepper. Yeah.

ABC News show:
[Unidentified, probably churchular Spokeswoman]: "Within two weeks of the start of Oklahomas 2005 legislative session, 10 anti-gay bills were introduced." Wow...that's thoroughly and amazingly retarded.

Some girl, talking about homosexuals: "I don't think they should do that, because God did create Adam and Eve, and that's what I believe." (For the record, she didn't look so much determined or even angered as she resembled an unsure politician reciting the party line, possibly realizing they disagree, but too afraid to protest.)
[Spokeswoman again]: "After Michael had been gay for some months, his mother went and talked to their pastor to see what they could do to turn Michael back to normal. The pastor knew he had to address this from the pulpit somehow." Uggggggggh.

Maury Povich show, "Make-over my geeky family":
Mother, sobbing: "Oh Maury, I just want my son to be cool and get a girl." For the record, my Mom has never tried to get me laid on TV.

Cold Pizza:
Woody Paige is wearing an "Indiannapolis Colts - Super Bowl XXXIX Champs" T-Shirt. Thanks Woody; they are now doomed to a NE 24, IND 17 weekend. I want to see Peyton get a ring, but part of me is still bothered - though I was too young to remember it - by the thought of a fleet of Mayflower trucks in the middle of night, and therefore says "Eff the Colts."

I could go on, but you get the point. Daytime TV is t3h suck.

Pull the Plug

As of 12 Noon, WHFS is gone - replaced with a Spanish pop music station, 99.1 El Zol. I stopped listening to this station right around the time I got my drivers' license, but they were the #2 rock station in the country, and the HFStivals are freaking legendary. As a guy that likes modern rock music, I'm a bit bummed the station is gone. Though they played mostly crap, they were still the only radio outlet for a lot of young, loud white boys.

On a personal note, I am bummed because I no longer get the benefits of knowing a guy that knows a DJ there. We used to hang out in the booth in downtown DC (next to Hooters, in the skate shop window) talking shit, and it was always nice to have an extra in for concert tickets. Plus, he's a cool guy, and now he's an unemployed cool guy. I haven't tuned in 99.1 in probably 5 years, but Infinity Broadcasting can still suck it.

How Not To Make Chicken Soup

First you are going to need a recipe. I found mine on the internet. Research chicken broths on the internet as well. Set nerd phasers to kill. Next you are going to want to find a grocery store. As if this weren't hard enough, once inside, you are going to have to find the produce section. In produce section, stare blankly at the three different kinds of onions. Select an onion on a largely arbitrary basis. Locate the parsley. Stare blankly at the three different types of parsley. Select parsley on a largely arbitrary basis. I picked "Italian."" Ciao! Continue to wander around supermarket thanking your lucky stars that you don't have children. Have you interest peaked by bottles of White Zinfandel in the Safeway. Realize, upon cloer inspection, that it is non-alcoholic. Boo. Stand in line behind a pair of girls about five years old. Cringe as they attempt to pick each other up. Watch as one girl goes over to candy rack, picks up Snickers bar, tears it open ever so sligthly and brings it to her mother and asks if she can have it. This child is a genius. The mother has to buy it, since the child opened the wrapper. I vow to steal this method and attempt to convert it into something of a sexual nature. For example, "accidentally" tearing a girls shirt and saying, "Well, it's already open . . . can I have what's inside?" That type of creepy, reprehensible behavior. Return to kitchen and plop bags of ingredients on counter. Remove dress shirt, watch, and anything else that can be ruined/fall into pan during cooking process. Next, determine what a saucepan is. Determining this is an accomplishment, so at this time I suggest pouring & drinking a celebratory beer. Next you will need to slice up a pound of chicken breast without slicing up any of your fingers. Accomplish this task successfully, for the most part, and congratulate yourself by drinking more beer. Next you will need to begin cutting the onion. Cut the onion, and tear up like you are watching the end of "Old Yeller." After that, begin genuinely crying because you are thinking about the end of "Old Yeller." Cook chicken and onions and stuff in the saucepan thingy. Then add the remaining ingredients. At this time you will realize you have forgotten to peel the carrots and chop them. Hurriedly peel and chop the carrots, during which time you will wonder if you even need to peel the carrots. Peel the carrots anyway. Next, drop several pieces of chopped carrots on the floor. Immediately scoop up these pieces and eat them. 5-second rule, waste not-want not and all that crap. Next, realize that you have also forgotten to add parsley. Now, futilely try and jam leaves of parsley into the measuring spoon. Now you must pretend to know what simmer is and get the ingredients to do that after you have boiled them. Cover saucepan with another saucepan because you can't find a lid big enough. Next put in a load of laundry. After that, marry some dispassionate stockbroker named Vince from Long Island, who mocks your BJ technique while he is out drinking with his buddies and you stay home and make chicken soup. That's alright though, because you are having an affair with the vulnerable, yet rugged landscaping man-child Raoul. Next, you will want to get into a fight with the tupperware as it avalanches out from the cabinets onto you. By this time, your terrible concoction should be about finished. Test the brew on your trusting & unsuspecting roommates, Mike & Roy, to see if they die. If they don't die, give the soup a try yourself. If you manage to survive, have a congratulatory beer, as you have successfully made chicken soup.

Hey all

So I got to Hawaii OK. I know, I could be on the beach right now, but a) I have an addiction to the internet, and b) I want to make everyone jealous. That, and I've been there for a few hours already today. Since I'm 5 hours behind you all, it was easy to wake up early. Although I did feel like a loser when I had to leave the bar at 8:30 last night (12:30 your time, so I had been up for almost 20 hours).

Some quick notes about Hawaii:

- It's friggin' nice out all the time. 75 degrees and sunny all day.
- I don't know if it's supermodel week or something, but wow. And that's all I'll say about that.

Cartoons

This might be news only to me, but it looks like The Family Guy is going to get back into the Fox Sunday Night rotation. I presume it is so they can roll out new episodes in the near future. For now, though, it looks like old episodes. Not that we all haven't seen them 100 times over - but it is different when not on DVD.

And that new Seth McFarlane show American Dad looks to be debuting after the Super Bowl. I imagine I will have to Tivo this one, since I am sure I will be passed out by then.

Comcast SportsNet

Some show called "Pro Football Weekly":

Host: ...and Hub is here to thrill you with his football acumen.*

(...flub about playoffs, the Steelers, etc.)

Host: ...and what about the Patriots?

Hub: Well, they've been missing some key defensive players, but the return of Richard Seymour and Ty Law is really gonna spark this team.

Zug? Ty Law? Nice one Comcast. Either you ran a week old show, or I misunderstood "acumen" to mean "precise, in-depth knowledge," when it actually means "I just woke up. From a coma." And ESPN's stranglehold gets tighter - which means 20 more years of "Get at me Dogg! HOLLA!" during golf highlights.

I hear the Vikings have lost seven of their last ten games.

* - actual quote. sigh...

Has anyone seen their dignity?

This stars Laverneus Coles, Lavar Arrington, Clinton Portis & Carmelo Anthony. I am not lying.

"PC Load Letter? What the f*ck does that mean?" Some of the videos at the bottom of the page are pretty funny. And its from UMD!

Please let this be a joke, please let this be a joke.

Aloha!

So I've recently learned about my first real work trip - they need me to help troubleshoot some equipment hooked up to a Navy ship, and then spend a week at sea to sit at a computer and push buttons. The ship just so happens to be docked at Pearl Harbor, so in a few days I'm off to spend two weeks in Hawaii. Score. I think I have about an hour of good times before they realize I'm a software guy, and have zero experience with any of this. But hey, an hour is enough to get drunk.

Mr. Moss

Just gets hammered in this article. Good times.

National Championship Game

UPDATE: USC 55 - Oklahoma 19
Hopefully none of you actually stayed up until the end of this awful, awful game.

Tonight is the BCS National Championship game, pitting Oklahoma vs. USC.

Interesting storylines:
- Here is a story about Adrian Peterson's dad being locked up. Peterson is, in fact, a stud freshman RB.
- Here is a story about Matt Leinart and his f'd up eyes. Leinart is USC's stud QB.
- The last two Heisman winners are playing opposite each other in Oklahoma's Jason White and USC's Matt Leinart, both quarterbacks. Trust me, you will hear this 600 times during tonight's telecast.
- Tonight's line is a PK according to Sportsbook.com (the official sportsbook of TerrapinTables.com).
- And most important of all, this game determines if I win the bowl pool with Chad and John. My line for that is USC -3. Chad can't win, but can tie, for what it's worth. The late Virginia Tech TD last night allowed them to cover and cause this pivotal game. This has been "Great Moments in Gambling History"

Vote for your BCS Champ:

Pizza, Pizza

The Ravens scored 3 touchdowns, as did the Redskins. I know this means cheap pizza in Redskin areas. No idea if it does closer to Baltimore, but its worth a shot. I'd try Papa John's for that as well.