Terrapin Tables

Beer Smart Makes You

Drinky drinky makes for smarty smarty. The scienceman said it so, so me go drinking now.

Baseball in DC

So it seems as though Washington DC will be getting a baseball team. Personally, I am of two minds regarding the team. It will undoubtedly compromise that Orioles ability to generate revenue. It will also be nice to have another team to go see. So any thoughts on what the team name is going to be? Some of the obvious ones are the Senators, the Nationals, the Monuments & the Grays. I a partial to the Grays, though I imagine there are probably better names out there.

X-Prize Update

Burt Rutan is getting ready to launch his spaceship. There's a live webcast if you all want to watch it. Look for it at www.xprize.com.

stories from UNC

So, I'm here in Chapel Hill and it's been interesting so far. I live in a room, which, when the curtains are closed is one cube of yellow, green, and orange floral print (yes, that means the curtains are the same exact print as the wallpaper). The house is old and is infested with roaches, though I have yet to see them thanks to the hundreds of combat roach traps. It's neat being back in a college town again, though I feel about 1000 years old here. Boys, maybe you should visit - this town is filled with southern blondes. And while I'm waiting for the chicky-chick reality tv show to premiere I'm wondering whether they'll film the first episode here. Work has been great - I really like the program here and I think I'd be very comfortable doing my residency at UNC. However, they claim that Raleigh-Durham is a big city. Now, I'm not raggin on the R-D area but I come from DC's suburbs and R-D ain't a big city. It's only been a few days but the culture doesn't seem all that great; and the major thoroughfare from Durham to Chapel Hill has a speed limit of like 45. And they go 45 mph here. At least they like their college football down here. And their Spanish...apparently NC is the fastest growing Spanish-speaking state in the Union.
Finally, I have a funny story for those of you who like to hear about Murph. I'm in the OR today for a C-section and I overhear the Anesthesiologist call a number back and say "This is Dr. Murphy, I was paged." So, I enlist the help of my memory, which normally serves me well, to harken back to the Good Old Murph Days. I recall that Steve had a brother who attended Wake Forest's Bowman-Gray Medical School while we were in college. So, I thought - this might be Steve's brother. After the baby is born and we're all sitting around chatting, I say "I heard you say that your last name is Murphy, do you have a brother named Steve?" To which the doctor says, "My name is Steve Murphy." I now turn a dark shade of crimson. I luckily found the reserve to pull out, "Oh, I know a grad student at UVA named Steve Murphy who looks a lot like you." I was embarassed that I had asked him this tres importante question in front of all these other people and embarassed that they potentially knew I was asking so that he might be able to put in a good word with his little bro. Anyways, he left and I de-blushed rather quickly. Whew.
I hope this post wasn't totally unwanted....and that it brought a little smile/laugh to your day.

stories that keep me sane

yes, it's almost 4 am Saturday, and I'm at work. right now, these anecdotes are the only thing keeping me going.

i walked down to wawa yesterday (i can tell you're shocked). on the way, i passed south campus dining hall, where i overheard two guys complaining about how long the line was and how long it took to get some ice cream. it reminded me of a rule of morality that i had long forgotten. i present it now, with proof, as boot's theorem.

theorem: unless your jaw is wired shut, you are a bad person if you order a milkshake in the dining hall when the line for ice cream is greater than 3 customers (excluding yourself, but including anyone else in your party who may also intend on purchasing ice cream of some sort). it matters not that your boyfriend dumped you. in fact, he probably dumped you because you are the kind of person who would order a milkshake when there are more than 3 customers waiting in line.

proof: self-evident

so i was grinning when i got to wawa, but that's when the real fun started. i picked up some iced tea (update: current ice tea consumption since the beginning of comps: 2 gallons) and got in line. in the front of the line were three girls, you know the type, they had just strolled down from the towers wearing clothes no girl should wear at 7 pm, probably walked down from the towers just so they could get their frappamochacappayayas from wawa...

sidenote, we will now state and prove a corrollary to boot's theorem

corrollary: unless you have been mugged and the burglar did not want your credit card, you are a bad person if you use a credit card to buy something that costs less than $10 when the line is greater than 3 customers.

proof: see proof of boot's theory

anyway, the last of the three girls was buying her frappamochajobby and (as you may have guessed) paying with her credit card when she asked the cashier to get her a pack of cigarettes. the cashier then launched into a tirade. the conversation went something like this

cashier: (yelling) smoking is horrible for you! you should never buy these things! they're poisonous and expensive!
chicky: (silent)
cashier: (yelling, but getting the cigarettes) you should save your money! buy something else nice for yourself!
chicky: i don't want anything else, and they're not that expensive
cashier: (yelling, but ringing her up) they ARE expensive! if you don't want to buy something else, save your money, save for a vacation!
chicky: i already have a beach house

and then the chicky just walked away. it took every ounce of energy not to laugh, because i was afraid i would be perceived at laughing at the cashier. i honestly looked around the whole building to see if there was a camera on me, expecting the girl to walk back in say "smile, your on chicky chick camera" and then they'd give me a courtesy copy of the setup.

Funny if it weren't so sad

I know some of you HATE it when political stuff ends up on this website, but I don't believe this is that polarizing. There are now mailings to voters implying that Liberals will ban bibles if elected, in West Virginia of all places. Just as I was feeling alright about the state after our visit.

Daddy's Rant on Pittsburgh

Chad and I continued our summer of ballpark tours and went to PNC Park yesterday (actually we went up Wednesday). Sorry Fatboy, but Pittsburgh sucks. Yes, they do follow the Steelers, but god knows they don't know how the hell to find them. Apparently they don't believe in street signs...

After Wednesday night's game, we attempt to go to the Station Square district (drinking place). Well, marking the roads with signs must be above them. We cross over an unnamed bridge to an undisclosed cross street, neither of which is on our map. End up going through a traffic circle with multiple exits, none of which are designated as going anywhere. Finally see the sign as to where we are going to be, but since they don't tell you how to enter the facility, we have to ride around for 3 miles looking for the damn entrance.

Then, on top of that...there are about 4 people drinking in the city. Sure it is Wednesday night, but there are more people drinking in Odenton on a Wednesday night. Anyway, we go to Ref's Sports Bar...which is inside a mall. OK, fine, they have beer, video games (Madden, air hockey, darts, photohunt) and rap music is playing. Perfect. Or so we thought. Wednesday night at Ref's Sports Bar = Karoake Night. I am not sure how many American Idol songs there are, but we heard all of them. Also heard someone butcher "Hey Ya!" and some angry white people yell at us.

Oh, and Iron City Light is an awful beer (think Natty Boh Ice). Iron City wasn't so bad - but the Light was worse than you can imagine.

In conclusion - Pittsburgh stinks. The ballpark was nice though, as was Heinz Field, and you can get lower box tickets for $5 from scalpers outside the stadium. Chad and I were thinking we might write up something about a bunch of different stadiums we have been to. Obviously this isn't done today, and maybe we all could give each other advice on things (parking, traffic, beer prices) in different places for future trips. Just a thought.

Adu getting drunk at UMD

So the 15-year-old soccer phenom Freddy Adu has been drinking at Univ. of MD parties. It's nice to know that the cops at least gave him a chance to leave before giving him a citation:

"The cops came and we were like, 'Get Freddy Adu out of here,' and we hopped the fence with him," freshman Rob Fitzgerald told the Diamondback.

Literature

You ever find anything really cool, and want to break it to your friends in the just the right way? Well, read this. Then this. The join me in celebrating our new source of news, philosophy, advice, etc. Oh, they're address-bar-icon-dealie is a pirate flag, too.

Worst ..Death ..Ever

Not exactly how I'd want to go.

Halloween

Halloween may just be my favorite holiday. Of course Christmas wins, because of all the dough that gets shoved my way, but it's so obvious a choice it doesn't count. So yay Halloween.

That being said, 2 things:

- We need a costume idea. It's a Sunday night his year, but none of you real-job fuckers better bail on me. I fully intend on raising hell in Fells Point again. So, lets get a move on.

- What is up with "fun size" candy? The grocery stores are filled with this miniature nonsense. Every year, this bullcrap is allowed to continue. A 1x2" candy bar is not fun: a fun candy bar is, like, 9 square feet. This shit has to stop.

Message from God?

Most certainly not, but it's still funny. Click on the picture to see how the paths of the last three big hurricanes didn't pass through the Florida counties that voted for Gore in 2000:

True Patriotism

Word. America rules, etc. I signed up.

Also, I now have "I am a real American" in my head. And visions of yellow bikini bottoms floating in my head. And, if you know what song I am talking about, you know that bikini bottom is not a good thing.

There's George-y

Hey - anyone seen the commercial for Comcast featuring your kickball colleague George? I tried to find a link to it or something online but I am certainly lacking in the "I know how to search for things online" category. Anyways, thought it was cool that someone I (albeit through you guys) know is on TV.

Volunteer . . .

to be a victim of terrorism. I don't think it will be like that Seinfeld episode where Kramer pretended to have jaundice, but you never know. I would like to volunteer to be a person with either a) alzheimer's or b) drunk, because these kind of people will need assistance in case of terrorism too.

Take heed

Aye, the gods have smiled upon us and granted us the fortune of seeing this fine day once again. So whether ye be at sea trying to evade the storms that send men to Davy Jones' locker or watching yer team invade the enemy's end zone, honor this day. Drink up me hearties!

Good luck!

Just wanted to wish those of you going to West Virginia this weekend good luck! Stay safe while the remnants of Hurricane Ivan pass through and be strong in your cheering for our Terps! Hope you all have a blast!!!

HOLD THE PRESSES!

For those of you who do not read the Journal of Nonlinearity in Biology, Toxicology and Medicine, its time to get a subscription. According to an article to be published in the December issue, it seems that beer has the same antioxidant properties as red wine. The research was done at the University of Western Ontario performed the research, their press release is here.

Volunteering

Hey everyone. This post may not be as funny as other posts have been but I thought I'd put up this website for volunteering. I'm planning on doing a fair amount of volunteering when I return from NC and as such I found this website that matches you with your personal interests. It allows you to send different non-profit agencies/volunteer organizations those selections you make and then they get back to you about it. The website is http://volunteermatch.org/index.jsp

Witty T-Shirt

No shortage of wit in West Virginia. Alarming shortage of teeth & last names. Imagine that, available at your local K-Mart. It should be noted that the poster has West Virginian ancestry and was employed by K-Mart.

Commitment

Not that anyone really cares, but I am pretty excited about this...

I have decided to further my education. Am I going back to the University of Maryland? Not so much. I have decided to take an alternate route in order to broaden my horizons. I have enrolled in a 300 hour Yoga Certification course. It is a 10 month long course after which I will be certified to by the Yoga Alliance to teach Yoga (I will also be ACE certified for Private Instruction). 10 months of already scheduled classes! If you ask me what I am doing on October 2nd I will tell you that I will be in class learning about Musculoskeletal Injuries and Treatment. June 5th I will be in "Structural Yoga Therapy." Those of you who know me should know what a huge thing this is... this kind of commitment is absolutely unheard of in my world.

Hopefully I'll learn stuff. If not, at least I'll be bend-y.

If you go out in the woods today...

I have been really restless in the city lately and am thinking of going camping again before it starts to get super cold. I was thinking of just going someplace close (although I would love to go to Maine again) and I was looking up information about bears... this is what the informative Maryland DNR website has to say:

What should I do if I encounter a bear?
Should you encounter a bear at close range, speak to the bear in a calm, assertive voice. STAY CALM and don't run. Remain upright and back away from the bear. Avoid direct eye contact, as the bear may perceive this as a threat. Again, give the bear plenty of room. Don't crowd the bear's personal space.

My question is, What should one say to the bear when speaking to it in a calm, assertive voice? Is it recommended that one speak to the bear? or is it just that if one were so inclined to speak to a bear, this is how it should be done?

They also say:
Black bears may exhibit some unique behaviors when they feel their personal space is being threatened. A crowded bear may huff or make a woofing noise at the threat. They may also swat the ground, pop their jaws, or even bluff charge the perceived threat. When a bear bluff charges, it may stop several yards or just a few feet short of the threat. Remember not to run. Stay calm. Remain upright and back away from the bear.

My question is, What if the bear ISN'T bluff charging? There goes my head start. I don't think I am very happy with that information. I'm not too worried about bears, but if I were? oh boy. The website doesn't even give reasonable information... such as: Should I store my food in a bear box while camping? Yay though it is usally a good idea, in a lot of areas it really isn't necessary. How prevalent are they in the area... Do I need to store non-food things like my sunscreen in smell proof containers?

I'm either not going to see any wildlife at all... or I am going to get gobbled up by a bear. If the latter happens, at least you won't ever have to read my 72 million word entries any more.

Still Smell Like a Rat?

So, despite his alleged (by many, notably TO) homosexuality, Jeff Garcia has the Playmate of the year fighting over him in nightclubs. Note to self: start smelling like a rat. I will begin by eating trash.

And, in the purely journalistic interest of total information, here's the girlfriend. NSFW, because that's how I roll.

Super Bowl

Just so it can preserved for posterity, I thought we could pick who we think is going to the Super Bowl, and then check back in January. Also, it will serve as evidence of how stupid I am. Don't anyone pick the Ravens, you will jinx them. So I am going to pick Carolina & Indy. Kansas City. No, Indy. Alright, Carolina & Indianapolis.

Good News

Thought I'd pass this along to ya all. I'm not just a step dad anymore- we finalized Alex's adoption today. So she's a Lewis, now.

A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage

Kelly McGillis is playing Lady MacBeth at DC's Shakespeare Theatre. That is right, Kelly McGillis of "Top Gun fame. I could not make this up.
By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes . . . a wicked awesome barrel roll! May the song "Danger Zone" be stuck in your head for the remainder of the day.

When animals attack.

Score 1 for the puppies!

Lying Liars

Some group of (probable) scientists called the Prevention Research Center of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation (inhale) have released a study showing "many" of a sample of 1000 college students drank 24 drinks "in a row" and 10 percent often drank 12 straight. How many is "many?" What period of time spent drinking constitutes "in a row?"

No matter how you slice it: Liars. All of them. I guarantee they gave this study at frat-houses via the "show of hands" method, and everyone voting immediately followed their responses with a high-five. How do I know? First-hand experience. Me and my sample group - you idiots - have spent several years drinking. Hard. And often. We don't go anywhere or do anything without a drink, and stopping at one is like waking up next to your grandmother (that means "not good"). And in all our days, I can think of one time when we might have had 24 apiece - that one tailgating day when we went pretty much 7 am to 3 am, and our total of empties averaged about 30 apiece. But, that was over approximately 20 hours, and we have years of alcoholism to fall back on, not like a bunch of 19-year-old dudes.

So the study is bunk, the surveyed are liars, we drink the best. Hell, I had three beers tonight just reading Plautus...and I halfway enjoy that. This type of sensationalist pseudo-science (the study, not my rambling) is designed for publicity and shock value, meanwhile, college cops everywhere react by ramping up the alcohol citations while real crime goes unchecked (at least on this campus).

I need a beer.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well kids, it's that time again. NFL kickoff weekend is here! I'm not sure what you all may be doing, but I just wanted to let you know that if you'd like, my house is open every Sunday for peeps to come watch Brian (or is it Greg?) Gumble botch players names (mmmm...that's good irony). I have the DirecTV sunday ticket working, and it seems they're broadcasting many of the games in HD. Hooray HD!

So if you're interested, drop me a line or just feel free to buzz on up. I know I'm not exactly right around the corner, so the visits may be slim, but just know it's an open invite.

p.s.

I will own all in FF!!!

hooray responsibility

so i'm watching PTI and this Red Stripe commercial comes up. the red stripe guy asks a man to give up his beer which he does not do. then the red stripe guy asks the man to take off his pants which the guy does without any compaints. it just reminded me of rick - it seriously made me laugh out loud. has this commercial been out long? any comments on good commercials recently so i can be sure to keep a lookout?

1984

Here is the Sports Guy's opinion on which year was the best of the past 25. Sure there is a bunch of sports stuff, but there is also alot of pop culture. This may be geared more towards the older patrons of Terrapin Tables, like Rick. Some notes:
- The Bruce Springsteen video featuring Courtney Cox is from this year, which would make her approximately 87 years old.
- Vanessa Williams resigns her Miss America Crown this year, which would make her approximately 88 years old.
- "During the same year -- yes, 1984 -- Rolling Stone was offered the chance to buy MTV, and Sports Illustrated was offered the chance to buy ESPN. Both magazines decided against it."

IQ, re-revisited

Another reason not to have kids - you get all kinds of dumbed up. Also noteworthy are the professor's choice of metaphors (okay, so it's really one simile and an instance of hyperbole) in the next to last paragraph...he must have once seen me run. Hi-larious.

Just for the hell of it

I just checked this website, and there were absolutely no posts visible. So, I started this thread just so there would be something. I think TT is past its hey day. What happened, did everybody start getting responsibilities at their jobs, or something? Or has the goofing off just moved to different venues?

I have been banish-ed...

Very rarely do I indulge in such things, but this morning I arrived at work extremely early to try to catch up on things and I needed a slight break before I started my actual day. Enter the Dante Inferno Test.

Find out which circle of hell you will banished to! Fun for all ages!

Apparently premarital sex, masturbation, and visits to strip clubs have been enough to land me in the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis - Satan's wretched city where there is a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. There are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. I will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.

Oh yes, and the fact that I don't believe in religion or that there is no such thing as objective morality could have contributed too. Such the little heretic, I am.

Level | Score

Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Very Low
Level 2 | Very High
Level 3 | Moderate
Level 4 | Moderate
Level 5 | High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very High
Level 7 | High
Level 8- the Malebolge | High
Level 9 - Cocytus | Moderate

Hey!

No more Rock and Roll Part II at football games. Stinks. Gary Glitter is rolling over in his grave. What? He's not dead? Fine. Get some Gary Glitter Ringtones then.

Kobe

Not to jump the gun, but there are indications that the case against Kobe Bryant will be dismissed, and that the accuser no longer wishes to testify.

This weekend

Remember, sign up to bring something this weekend, or it will be a feast for those who do. Also, if you need tickets for this season's games, the following games are sold out: Ga Tech, NC State, and FSU. Maryland has 1,000 tickets left for its first two games against Northern Ill. and Temple.