Terrapin Tables

Self Made Movies... for your viewing pleasure.

Thanks to my friend Suzanne, I have encountered a lovely little movie-making fun. Now boys, it isn't THAT kind of movie-making fun.

Creativity juices aren't really flowing this late on a Friday night... but I wanted to share.

Check out my movie, then make your own (the sound makes it more fun).

Most Polluted U.S. Cities

The Lung Association put out its annual report of the ten most polluted U.S. cities. While California is definitely in the lead, Texas came in second, with Houston and Dallas-Fort Work being the fifth and tenth worst cities for smog, respectively. As far as paritcle pollution, Pittsburgh came in fifth. Do you follow the Steelers?

These girls are very patriotic

We need to meet the girls of Operation Take One For The Country, who 'give a little something-something' to servicemen who are about to head out to Iraq. And we should meet them in a bar. Dressed up in military uniforms.

Dream come true

My ship has finally come in. Somebody get the chant going.

Free Cone Day

Just in case anyone forgot, it's free cone day at Ben & Jerry's.

Down wit da GOP?

Does anyone else think it's funny that the Republican National Conference's essay contest is called "Stand Up and Holla!"?

Speaking of urban words, I figured I'd throw in this link as well: "Yo shit be crunk" teddy bears. Timeless.

Tequila rules.

So I'm back from Cancun. Good times all around. Amazingly, I didn't get arrested. Although security did yell at me for swimming in the pool at 4:00 am on three separate occasions. My only good story is that after I cut up my leg during a rousing game of "Keep away from Rick", I decided to pour tequila on my open, and very bloody, wound. The pain that ensued enlisted a visit from some First Aid people (or Aido Primero, or whatever the hell it is). So the next day, as I'm set to go scuba diving, the guides notice the blood seeping through the bandages. They tell me the saltwater will be good for it, although it will sting. They then made me go into the water first because, no lie, they wanted to see if I attracted sharks.

Anywho, for those that care (I know, none of you came, but whatever, it's my damned post), I'll have pictures up late Tuesday night...

Tillman

Pat Tillman has died in Afghanistan. He rejected over 3M a year playing safety for the Cards to go fight in Afghanistan - apparently he wanted to be an Army Ranger, (something) in the face of danger...

Personally, I think it was a bonehead move to begin with and, now, I bet he agrees with me. There is no shortage of 18 year old boys from Oklahoma willing to throw themselves into war. A pro athlete - wasn't he a ProBowler? - with his financial resources and community/national stature could have done a lot more positive things for American people by staying home, playing ball, starting some charities, visiting schools, etc.

J's Sports Cafe

So the heir apparent to the Irish Pizza Pub opened today, and I stepped inside, its pretty nice. More upscale than the Pizza Pub, but not too nice. After all, it is in Laurel. Anyway, they have like 5 pool tables and photo hunt to boot. At least 15 TV's. Menu without any sandwiches less than 6 bucks. Anyway, impressed might not be the right word, but it seems like a great place to watch MNF and alleged live music.

John's Bored

Fatboy: Corporate accounting is sure as hell going to notice 305, 3 (grabs the receipt) 26.13!! Rick!!

Rick: Oh shit! They, they probably won't notice it's gone for another two or three days.

Fatboy: Rick! Rick! You said the thing was gonna take two years!

Roy: What happened?!

Fatboy: You said the thing was supposed to work.

Rick: Well, technically it did work.

Fatboy: No it didn't!

Roy: It did not work, Rick, ok?!

Rick: Ok! Ok!

Roy: Ok?!

Rick: Ok! Ok! I must have, I must have put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit. I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail.

Fatboy: Oh! What is this fairly mundane detail, Rick?!!!!!

Rick: Ok quit getting pissed at me, all right? This was all your idea, asshole.

Fatboy: All right. Ok. All right. Let's try not to get pissed off at each other, all right? We'll figure this thing out together, ok? And the first thing we gotta do is we gotta close that account down before it gets any bigger.

Good thing we are poor

Corey Fuller, cornerback for the Ravens, had his house raided during a card game last night. High stakes, thousand of dollars. Had he not been a Raven, I never would have heard about it. But, there is an interesting line in there: "State law allows card players to gamble up to $10 a hand". Seems low to me. Although I guess it is tax-free or whatever if you win millions. Also, it mentions the game "Georgia skins" -- anybody know how to play that? Or how I can win thousands at it? Maybe these guys from Florida State just played for shoes.

Slow day on the website...

Call me now

The following politically incorrect comments are for entertainment purposes only:

Sign that John is black: I saw 3 police cars in the parking lot of my apartment complex this evening.

Sign that John is white: I wasn't worried that I would get arrested, and there was Red Bull on the balcony with me.

Sign that John is black: I know most of the lyrics to "Boyz in the Hood."

Sign that John is white: This is partially due to Dynamite Hack.

Sign that John is black: I am eating potato salad and drinking beer.

Sign that John is white: That beer is Corona.

Sign that John is black: There is a novelty inflatable 40 oz. bottle in the apartment.

Sign that John is white: There is a novelty inflatable emperor penguin in the apartment.

Sign that John is black: I own a copy of the "Belly" DVD.

Sign that John is white: I own a copy of "The Hunt for Red October" DVD.

Sign that John is black: My car is crappy.

Sign that John is white: My windows aren't tinted.

Sign that John is black: I think Kobe is probably innocent.

Sign that John is white: I think OJ did it.

I got hit by a car. What'd YOU do Monday?

So I'm walking to school and some goofball comes tearing ass across the Quality Inn parking lot, where I believe he'd been chillin' with 4 of your friends, trying to get onto Rt. 1 south. I'm headed to class walking up Rt. 1, on the sidewalk of course, and reach the little dip in the pavement for car travel just as he pulls up to the street (from the parking lot...you follow?). As a rule I always look the driver in the eyes as I walk in front of the car - that way I know if they're paying any sort of fucking attention to pedestrians. Well, this guy never looked to his right - just left at the traffic coming up the road. From this and his body language, all I'm-such-a-fucking-busy-guy crowding the wheel and shit, I KNEW this guy was going to screw up. So I was ready.

Sho'Nuf, soon as I was directly in front of his car - dead center - he starts pulling out. So, this Mercury wagon is pushing me into Rt. 1 and I'm pounding on the front of his car so he realizes he's FUCKING RUNNING ME OVER WITH A CAR. I wasn't being "run over" like falling over, but only because I was paying attention. If I hadn't I would'a been flattened.

So after going backwards about three feet - I'm almost in the middle of the right-hand lane of Rt.1, right across from where T-Shirt Factory was - he comes to realize he's a dipshit. I scream "What the FUCK", as was my wont, and get the hands-in-air "I don't know what I'm doing" look. So I make him an equitable offer: if he would kindly step out of the car, I would kick his fucking ass. For whatever reason, he did not accept my proposal. He locked his doors like a little bitch.

So, deciding not to let this go, I make a fist and bring it straight down on the hood of his car. You know that clip from the Hellboy commercials where he punches that car and it flips over his head? Same move, less drama. This guy got away with a subtle foot-around, 6-inch-deep depression in his hood. It was a beautiful dent. I stepped to the side, he drove the fuck away. At great speed.

There were witnesses - an older white lady and two black guys. The guys were laughing their ass of at this terrified driver, and I got the chest-pound for my testicular fortitude. I guess that means I did good.

I'm rich, bitch!

So it looks like Dave Chappelle is negotiating a third season of the aptly named "Chappelle Show". I, for one, am happy about that.
WHAT!?!?
I said I am happy about that.
WHAT!?!?
I said I am happy about that.
OK!!!
So, on The Sports Junkies this morning, one of the guys read the beginning of this article. He completely believed that Comedy Central fired Chappelle and brought in Wayne Brady. It was pretty damn funny. Anyway, there is not much new on here, figured I would put something up. And it is much better than talking about whether two numbers are the same. Nerds...

For the last time

I promise I won't bring this up again. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is the best fifteen minutes on TV and, thanks to the glory and the grandeur of Adult Swim, it is now on Sun-Thurs at midnight. Watch the damn show.

If you want a starter, hop on something like Edonkey or Kazaa and grab the episode "Bus of the Undead." 4 out of 5 dentists agree: you need to watch the freakin' show.

Pray for the heroes

Firemen, policemen, and bartenders all give so much of themselves to us, just so we can life our lives the way God intended - drunk, not ablaze, and not being robbed by minorities. But those that give the most are undoubtedly our Porn actors and actresses, who mentally and physically give their all, forsaking future political careers, so Americans with bad sex lives can get a kick out of watching pretend-good sex. So, mumble a prayer for all the performers who might have come down with the hiv. This new scare has stopped all porn production until about June, so hold your breath (and any other related bodily functions) in hoping everyone's okay. Yay porn. Boo hiv.

Adiós

So I'm off for the week. I'll be chilling on the beach in Mexico. Kind of like Milton in Office Space, but I don't plan on burning down any buildings beforehand. Please feel free to start heated arguments in my absence. Here, I'll get you guys started:

• Sports - ESPN rated the O's the 4-least miserable team in the league. Agree or disagree?
• Nerdiness - .999... = 1? I say yes. Prove me wrong, kids.
• Politics - Was Bush's last press conference the worst ever in American history? And is there something going on between Condi and Donald?

New Physics (and stuff for non-nerds)

So FARK tells me scientist-guys think researchind fluid mixing in space will open the door to some new fluid-dynamic and current-development understanding. Whatever. Only Rick and Jeff care. What is cool about this link, then? There's a freaking astronaut drinking tea with chopsticks.

I feel much safer..

With people like this protecting us, how could I not?

Nerd of the Year Comic

Clearly, I have to much time on my hands. But I couldn't help but imagine what it'll be like when Fatboy comes up for his bachelor party....

(Click to enlarge)

Guinness

Guinness is for health conscious lightweights ;op

If you hated the Crimson Room . . .

. . . you'll hate this.

You mean Bruce Willis really didn't save the world?

I'm a little suspicious about face-to-face surveys, and the ways they are conducted, but if this was done right, well I don't have anything to say. Link found via Joanne Jacobs.

Sports Site

Since most of us here are sports fans, I'm sure this isn't new to any of you. I must've been asleep, because I just heard of this site 2 days ago. It's like THEONION, only for sports...so for all those who like making fun of the physically gifted and rich, enjoy.

Razors

What the hell is wrong with the people who make razors? There is some sort of arms race about razors now to see who can put out the most models of razor for every face-type. My face is curious looking and round. Do you have a razor for that? I have seen a lot of faces in my day and most of them are pretty much the same friggin thing. Is there anyone out there with mutant facial hair? Who is growing fiber-optic cable out of their face? Ooh, I have sensitive skin, I need this certain type of razor. No, you need a man purse. Anyway you are about to take a piece of sharpened metal and scrape it across your face. Shit happens. Every time I shave and I don't come out looking like I just went through my windshield at 60 mph, I think "One Shining Moment" should play. If I am gonna buy one of your god forsaken 6 dollar useless pieces of plastic, do me a favor, and keep making the replacement blades for it for a year. Because as useless as the piece of crap it was before, it is even more useless if I can't buy new blades to put in it. Shaving with an old blade eventually becomes like shaving with a shard of glass. So stop sticking 8 razor blades on the head of the god damn thing so I don't have to work overtime to afford a new one. If there are 14 blades on the thing, guess what, all 14 of them wear out, and since you decided to use all of the metal from a melted down a Pinto to make the blade, and space shuttle technology, it costs more than a 'happy ending.'

WTF

Now this is some scary, unsettling shit.. "http://www.cnn.com/.../plucked.eyeball.ap/

This is what you get

When you are:
a) a loud-mouthed opponent of drinking.
b) an amateur.

I have extra bikes...

...in case anyone wants to borrow one for this. Yeah, this sounds like everyone's cup of tea. Come on, lets do it. Road trip.

Yeardley Smith

Yeardley Smith (the actress that does Lisa Simpson's voice) now has her own off Broadway show. It's autobiographical, and in part goes through her dealing with being better known as an 8 year old animated girl, and not as a "real" actress. Anyway, just thought I'd post something since noone else had today (except for the Dookies crying, that was funny).

You have a gambling problem

So Chris Duhon hits a shot that means nothing to the game, yet as much as 100 million dollars changes hands. That is some sweet, sweet action.

Levity

Since I felt a need to lighten up our site amongst talk of telescopes and evolution, here's a Polish digital clock.

DISCLAIMER: I might have seen this here first, I can't remember (said brain cell being sacrificed to the gods of fermentaion) so, if it's old news, screw you.

Evolution in the News

Continuing my campaign for TT's biggest nerd...

Recently, there was a paper published in Nature about how a mutation to a gene that encodes for jaw muscles may have allowed humans to get bigger brains than other apes. Basically, the mutation keeps the body from producing a certain protein, which in turn keeps jaw muscles smaller. This seems reasonable enough. The author goes on to claim that this is responsible for our brains being larger. While this may be true in a sense, I think the author is putting the cart before the horse, and is greatly misleading the general public about how evolution works.

There's a quote from the author in Washington Post, stating, "Life would not have been easy for the first primates affected by the mutation, as they scrambled for survival with weaker jaws than their rivals." That's not the way the world works. If nothing else was different, animals with that mutation would not have been able to compete, and the mutation would have disappeared as those animals died. There must have been some occurence, either at the same time, or before the mutation, that made that mutation beneficial, or at least not harmful. My guess is that it was a behavioral change, probably a shift to easier to chew foods (more fruits and meat, less tough plant material), that made large jaw muscles unnecessary. Then, animals with the mutation would have been at an advantage by not wasting energy in growing those muscles. Then, the smaller jaw muscles could have lead the way to larger brains. But I think it's very misleading the way that he's published his paper, and the quotes that he's given, making it seem that there was just all of a sudden some mutation that let our brains get bigger.

Say It Ain't So!!

Pay them dammit!!!