Terrapin Tables

86 Rules

Since most of us spend an unhealthy amount of our time at bars, I thought you all would like to see the 86 Rules of Boozing. It's a fun, quick read to help you pass those "daylight hours" between getting wasted this weekend. Speaking of which, what the hell is going on lately? If anyone is having any big parties, orgies, or stripping contests featuring oddly-proportioned midgets, post it here.

I'm surprised

that no one has written in about the bowl game. I'm sure you all have discussed at length in person but since I've been unable to hangout since we clinched the Gator Bowl spot could someone fill me in on details re: what ya'll are doing for the game? Pat, I do believe I heard something about you being in charge for that stuff? Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!! =)

The site amused me. What can I say? Oh, look, a blue car!

'Super' Indeed

Spend 11 minutes bowing down to the almighty:

Right Click, Save As. Here's a mirror.

Getting his read on

There's a funny article up today about a 79-year-old man who reads The New York Times every day. He doesn't skim it -- he reads all the articles. The fun part is that he won't start the next day's newspaper until he's finished with the previous one. Refusing to hear new news stories, he is now a year and a half behind on the news.

Major Letdown

All right, since I'm up here in RI I have to stay connected somehow, so what better way than TT. So, Joe Millionaire tonight, gotta say, I was quite disappointed. First of all, I watched it with my 13 year old cousin and my aunt, neither of whom had watched it previously. Second, it was far too formulaic for my liking, could Linda have repeated herself in any better fashion? And after Cat played all of her cards perfectly, and Linda made the mistake of fidgeting with her bracelet constantly at dinner, how the hell could David choose Linda? Come on people, I wanted Fox to show a few more gratuitous shots of Cat in the bikini and the two of them in the hot tub. Is this too much to ask? Honestly.

Polish Digital Clock

Just because nobody's posted yet, today:
Polish Digital Clock

You're My Boy Blue

This is Will Ferrell's commencement speech at Harvard. Pretty funny.

"I had the chance to play or impersonate some very interesting people, none more interesting than our current President, Mr. George W. Bush. Now in some cases, you actually have contact with some of the people you play. As a byproduct of this former situation, the President and myself have become quite good friends. In fact, I might even call him a father figure of sorts, granted a dim-witted father figure who likes to take a lot of naps and start wars, but a father figure nonetheless. "

5' 11" / 120 lbs.

So, with this whole Michael Jackson fiasco, and how he looks like a complete FREAK, I thought about who he looked like. I came up with a ferret on crack, but I am sure many differ. Anyway, it got me thinking about the ESPN Page 2 "Here's Looking at You" section, comparing athletes with their lookalikes.

My favorites are:

• Grizzlies Michael Dickerson, left, and Rapper ODB formerly of the Wu-Tang Clan
• North Carolina coach Matt Doherty, right, and Sam the Eagle of the Muppets.

Just wanted to share...I am bored, and this wasted alot of time.

Yeah, me again

Sorry for post #47 of the week, but this absolutely rules.

When it guessed "mountain bike" in 19, I was intrigued. When it got "guitar pick" in 16, I was impressed. When I thought "beer can" and, after 17, it said "rubber ducky" I laughed...then after one more question it got it. Sweet.

I'm sure Rick will write some program that does this, but it will only work if you are thinking "cock."

INFO

What up all....
Just to let you all know...Pam and I got married Tuesday, November 18. We did it real quiet-like and kept it secret from everyone except our folks. We're planning on buying a decent size house within the next few months, and will be throwing a big ol' shin-dig to celebrate....of course you're all invited...

--Nate

Sounds like fun

Excepting the resulting death, this sounds good to me.

Saturday?

I'm a rebel

Anyone remember that article I wrote about Thunderstix for this site, which parodied The Diamondback? I got an email this week from the editor-in-chief of The Diamondback telling me to take it down:

Nice to know I'm rattling the establishment. I've since taken the page down, but Google has a cached version still up.

Update: That page was #3 on Google for a "thunderstix maryland" search.

Agent Buckwald

To those of you who read Fark this is probably old news to you, but it looks like Fox might put The Family Guy back on the air. Because of good DVD sales. Not because, you know, they screwed up and put it on only on the third Tuesday after full moons, and dates that were divisable by 8. Or something like that.

I was a little hesitant to put the article up, for fear it was fake (the Fark article had a http://66.121 or some crap for an address, but then the USA Today had it, so I believe it now.

The numbers are in

For the curious... the estimate on the Mini is $10,800. The fun part: 4-5 weeks until it's fixed. Which means my Christmas shopping will be done at the local Food Lion and Exxon station, since those are the places I can walk to. Or I could just steal stuff from Pat. My dad could use another couch...

Yet another reason why I love and will never leave college

It's high comedy when college administrators try to connect with students.

Everybody Transfer

...or go back to school, what have you.

Dartmouth has a new mascot that speaks to the very fabric of all of our beings. We owe it to ourselves to go Ivy, if not for the education, but for the one guy-in-a-suit cooler than Testudo.

London's Congestion Charge

I guess I'm behind the times in news, but I just read about London's Congestion Charge. In an effort to reduce congestion, they charge £5 a day to drive in the heart of the city. What I think is interesting is the way they're implementing it. No toll booths or stopping- they use cameras to take a picture of your license plate, and store it in a database. There are various means of paying, including mail, at stores, or online. Then, they compare the database of license plates to paid vehicles, and send out fines to those that didn't pay. I wonder if a similar system could ever be implemented in D.C. to reduce traffic there.

Saturday

So...posts are telling me Michelle and Katie were a bit snoggered on Saturday. Are there any stories I need to hear? I'm tired of being answered with, "Are you new?"

I wanted to attend, but was busy hanging out with rock stars and adding to my Things Michelle Would Not Approve Of list.

Word. I'd like to throw a party...too bad no one would drive to AssScratch, MD where I live.

And in other news...

So the website is working again, and I don't feel like looking at pictures of my car anymore, so I'll post something here to get it out of the way. Since no good story-worthy events happened to me this weekend, I'll just post a picture of some puppies to get my mind off the 3-4 weeks my car will be in the shop.

Ahh. Much better. And I'd like to thank Michelle and Katie J for having a dinner party on Saturday. It was fun seeing you two drunker than us...

The real reason he wrecked

Oops

My Mini had a disagreement with a jersey wall this morning on the way to work. The barrier won. Anywho, after this, two of my airbags had gone off, the top of my armrest flew off, and there were pieces of my car on the roof.

And yes, I'm fine.

More pics:
1 2 3 4 5

Paris Hilton anyone?

This is for anyone who hasn't seen the Paris Hilton video yet. They were giving out the website on DC101 this morning. Thought you guys might enjoy...

I'm cultured!

So Judy and I saw a play in Baltimore last night that featured true stories about people who were exonerated from death row. One of the leads turned out to be the star from Revenge of the Nerds (Lewis, the main nerd). I'd be lying if I said I never thought about him "doing it on the moon" with Betty while wearing that Darth Vader costume. Of course he was talking about death row the whole time, so I think my trip to hell is pretty much a sure thing now.

What...the...hell...

I was expeccting something mildly funny with this...but I got about 45 seconds in before I had to close the browser.

Remember when we were kids and people would give you free comics, but by page 3 it was all Jesus and Pals? Same thing. I feel violated.

Animation shouldn't mix with ideologies. Bastards.

Being a kid sucked...

...but I still dug it. And I try to get it back, sometimes.

Some of you may remember my short-lived Transformers collecting days, but you have no idea how hard it is for me not to reference Man-E-Faces, the Eye of Thundera, or any and all things Go-Bots or M.A.S.K. on a regular basis.

So, if you, like me, have a strange desire to re-examine the late '80s, waste some bandwith here. Also check out the site's home page; it's hilarious.

Computer Chip Implanted in Brain

After going out and watching the new Matrix last week (which was pretty good, by the way), I thought it was interesting to come across this article in Nature. A few scientists are getting ready to put computer chips in the brains of quadripalegics to sense some of their brain signals and use that to control a mouse to give them control of a computer. If the trial goes well, the approach might eventually be used to control other devices, like prosthetics or wheelchairs.

Get Fuzzy and Opus

I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite comic strips, Get Fuzzy. I would tell you what its about, but there is a really good description on comics.com. On Friday, the cartoonist did a live chat on washingtonpost.com. Way at the bottom of the chat, there is mention that Berkeley Breathed, the guy who did Bloom County, is going to do a live chat two days before his new strip, Opus, launches. Opus should be awesome, too. I can't wait.

i never thought i'd see this

there are many shows which make their way onto television each year and with my penchant for viewing them all i was able this weekend to see two shows which i never thought i'd see. one is about two little rich bitches in NYC (one being the hilfiger heiress). on this particular episode that i happened to turn on, the two were getting ready for prom wherein one of them was hoping to lose her virginity. they were talking about how they always pay for the limos (they said limos in a really annoying way!) and it was time someone else did (of course they went ahead and got them anyways). they continued to get ready at the hilfiger girl's house wherein they smoked, drank large amounts, and made out in front of their parents. it was an absolutely unbelieveable show with the ability to make my soul cringe - it manages to encompass everything that is wrong with this world. secondly i saw a very funny thing on ESPN yesterday around 4:30. yes, that's right folks. it was the scrabble championships. something i thought i'd never see on a SPORTS network. come on, is scrabble a sport?

a little bit country

this is for roy --

on winning "Vocal Event of the Year" from the Country Music Awards --
Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett
"It looks like a rocket ship. ... Thank you, Alan Jackson, I'm glad I could help your struggling career. It was about 31 years ago that I came to this town to pursue my musical madness, and I've never won anything for anything, and it's great to do it here." -- Jimmy Buffett

yes that's right...he's a little bit country my friend.

Espresso Swilling Loophole

Much to the delight of Mr. Levy, you can now write off soccer mom mobiles and yuppy people-movers. You can write off up to 100K from taxable income if you buy an SUV over 3 tons (and use it for business purposes). Even the VW Touareg fits this description. Hopefully they will come with bad drivers and cell phones attached to their heads.

All this assures is that there will just be 1,000 more on the road this holiday season. Filled to the brim with soccer balls.

---and i do understand the incredible irony that i, in fact, drive an SUV (Ford Explorer - 7,700 lbs.) but I bought mine so we could all tailgate. eat it. seriously, i did. sad isn't it?---

Apparently Roy's People Don't Run Everything

So I got to subway at lunch (at 4:00 -- damn work) -- and as I pull up - there is a short woman outside just staring into the store. Well, as I walk up - she finally goes inside (so she is in front of me in line). She asks for the sub of the month - except with chicken. Well, the sub of the month is a cold cut trio (btw - "sub of the month" means its a $1 off). A cold cut trio does not have chicken on it. So she argues for like 5 minutes that they should give her the chicken at a reduced price... that she can't eat ham.... and they really should have a kosher menu. And THEN instead of paying the extra fucking $1 for a normal-priced sub - she just walks out without eating....

It couldn't have been more sterotypical if she has stopped to pick up a penny on the way out...

But anyway - yes, apparently Subway isn't under Roy's control....

The Doctor of Journalism returns

"Rum Diary" is soon to become a movie, praise Allah.

Fear and Loathing was, and is, one of the best things ever committed to video...since Depp will play Thompson again, at least part of "Rum Diary" is guaranteed to work. Gilliam isn't directing - del Toro is - but then, "Rum Diary" isn't the type of story that necessitates Gilliam's style, as FaL was.

And no, "Rum Diary" is not about a magical summer Roy is planning for '05.

Site

This is a weirdly addictive site...I've been checking it, like, twice a day.

I really have no idea why...

That's all.

Wedding Update

Just to let you all know, me and Irma think we've finally picked a date for the wedding- June 12th. With my inability to remember numbers, we wanted to pick an easy date so that I wouldn't forget our anniversary. So, the other way to look at it is June dozen. Anyway, Rick, get to work on planning the bachelor party.

Tomacco!

No doubt this will end up on Fark.com, but this is such a good story... some dude actually grew a tomacco plant; the fictional tomato/tobacco plant from the Simpsons episode. See the newscast page with a link to the video.

I'm a hater

So I know I skipped out on Joe Millionaire last night, but I got to see Will Ferrell's new movie, Elf. It was certainly the best PG movie I've seen in a long time. Will manages to act like even more of an idiot that he did in Old School. Highly recommended.

So afterwards, I went back to the Mix 106 station in Towson. Judy is friends witih the DJ (Hawaiian Ryan for any 106 fans out there), so we hung out for a little bit in the studio while he was on air. Of course, as he switched on his mic to do voiceovers between songs, I was very tempted to yell "Suck my balls!" But I didn't... so I want to apologize to my friends for giving up on what could've been a good story. I realize this was probably my only chance to offend so many people at one time...

(sigh) I'll have to take comfort in knowing I didn't get Judy fired....

Halloween Aftermath

Thanks to everyone who came out on Friday night, or facilitated our enjoyment of the evening. The Family Guy looked alright, and Stewie got quite a few "awesome's". Thanks for driving Roy, and Mike, I know I owe you some money.

Why am I posting this? To let everyone know that I will try to have the pictures up this evening after I get off of work. Haven't really looked at them, but I am sure they are hilarious. Look for them here.

UPDATE: I put pictures from the night here. Enjoy!

Best...shot...ever

Found this on a newsgroup, so I don't know if someone deserves credit for this, but here goes:

JONBENET RAMSEY
1-1/2 shots of Vanilla Stoli Vodka
½ shot of spiced ginger ale
1 crushed cherry