October 31, 2003
Our litigious society
NEW YORK (AFP) - Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel threatened to sue the makers of "The Simpsons" over a parody of the channel's right-wing political stance, the creator of the hit US television show has claimed.
Wow, and I thought the "My god, I burned myself on hot coffee" lawsuit was bad. You've got to read this.
Halloween Blows
Stupidest fucking holiday in the world (next to New Year's). I fucking hated Halloween as a kid and I fucking hate it now. And I really fucking hate people that go overboard on it. This fucking gay guy that works here is wearing a fucking kilt to work today. What the fuck is that? A fucking dress! Jesus Christ. Wonderful way to go through a day -- working with a freak dressed in drag.
Pat - he wanted to know if you would give him a ride -- I told him your car was drag-queen-proof.
I am surly and I need a beer.
October 30, 2003
Seth MacFarlane, and I'm moving
Sethy-poo is doing a voice on the upcoming Crank Yankers...check your local listings because I have no idea when the hell that show comes on.
It looks like his puppet is a '30s era private eye that spent time in a gay bar by accident - he uses the same voice as the doctors from Family Guy (you know, like a nasal version of himself with a touch of Jimmy Stewart...why these don't feel like gloves at all...these...these feel like needles).
Also, I'm already tired of my daily commute, so I'm moving to College Park...even though it means I'll be coming out of school 11K in the hole. Yay Stafford Loans, pay my rent.
Anyway, if anyone is looking to move (back?) to College Park, or knows someone in need of a roommate, let me know before I end up sharing a house with two Young Republicans, a virgin catholic, and a dumber version of Ashton Kutcher. Of course, strangers are just friends you haven't made yet...no wait...friends are just strangers you haven't...women are just girls who haven't rejected me...dammit, I'm tired.
I'm a nerd (and Happy Halloween a day early!)
Okay, so if I did everything correctly, this site should be all funky with it's Halloween craziness. I obviously have too much time on my hands. If you don't like this style, you can either wait until I switch it back (whenever I sober up on Saturday/Sunday), or you can change the styles using the icons below: Switch styles:
And to give you all something to talk about... this week is Protection from Pornography Week. Should we really give up on watching? I don't know if I can give up a whole week.
October 29, 2003
HIS FATHER IS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!!!
So it seems as if "Skin" on Fox is tanking in the ratings department. (shocking isn't it). Some are predicting it to be pulled in a couple of weeks. And despite our drinking game and enthusiasm, The Next Joe Millionaire is also taking a bath. I know this comes with much disappointment to Mike. As solace, it does look like Joe Millionaire will be on twice a week for November sweeps, so brush up on your German, Italian, and Cowboy. Don't forget your wooden shoes.
October 28, 2003
UVA Sucks
I found this pretty funny.... Virginia really is full of a bunch of stupid, rich, assholes.
But Paige can look past that and loves them all....
October 27, 2003
Señor Frog is the Devil
For anyone who remembers our afternoon of taking shots in Miami, I went to the Señor Frog's in Cozumel, and felt just as bad the day after. A contributing factor may have been drinking from 4 till 1 at the hotel, but it was Señor Frog that put me over the edge.
"By the time the afternoon lessons began, there was no hiding what they had done."
further proof that we think like teenagers.
oh, and it seems pat was correct regarding the inspiration for the kool-aid man.
Embracing my Inner Geek
So on Saturday I went to a lecture on superstring theory given by Brian Greene at the Museum of Science. He is hosting a NOVA series on the subject starting tomorrow night. Admittedly, my technical appreciation of the finer points of theoretical physics and advanced mathematics is extremely limited but despite that I found all of this fascinating, and it makes sense to me. Thoughts anyone?
October 24, 2003
Oh Yeah!
It's good to know that some kids still have a sense of humor. Some students stole the banner that was obscuring a section of the brick wall at the front of the UMD campus (it had been hit by a truck two months ago), and replaced it with the Kool Aid Man. Kudos. And now I can't stop thinking about that clip in the Family Guy...
Things I've been thinking about today
Since this website has officially stopped being PG-13, here is my thought of the day. We all know what number 1 & 2 are. However, between expectorating lunch everywhere and producing alternative skin lotion, what should be number 3 and what should be 4. Discuss.
Mike isn't the only moron
Jesus last night was ridiculous.
people are coming up to my desk and i just grunt at them b/c if i open my mouth to talk to them i have a fear i might vomit on them. i didn't shave. i am wearing glasses. i reek of alcohol.
Priceless e-mail exchange with Mr. Albers... I wrote this to john:
"perhaps your combination of beer, wine, bicardi, butterscotch snapps, baily's, absenthe, and tequila didn't mix well in your stomach. i can't imagine why....."
his response:
"Did I drink all those things?"
I think there is a parking spot at the riverscape apartment complex that can attest to john having drank all those things.
i am still drunk. rack me.
-- oh, i just had a sure sign that god hates me.... somebody left a little chocolate candy on my desk last week. a piece of chocolate shaped like a bottle of tequila. well, i wanted chocolate just now. i unwrapped it, and popped the chocolate in my mouth. well, THE GODDAMN THING WAS FULL OF TEQUILA. I spit it out.. all over my pants... i am a mess.
October 23, 2003
My God I am an idiot
So the first round of winter golf didn't go so well today. After playing three holes where I could not physically feel my hands, the twosome ahead of me allowed me to play through. Since I didn't want to hold them up, I tried to move smartly through the hole. In an effort to do this, I attempted to jump across a small stream protecting the front of the green. Of course, had I successfully cleared the stream I wouldn't be posting it on TT, so of course you can imagine what happened. My left foot ended up buried almost knee-high in water and mud, my once white golf shoes now brown. Myself and what's left of my dignity race through the remaining holes, avoiding eye contact with the cute chick working at the pro shop who just happened to be standing outside when I left. Hilarious, for everyone but me.
Interesting moisturizer
So I'm about to put whatever shred of dignity this website has left into a downward spiral, but this is funny, and may be too racy to end up on Fark.com....
Have you ever heard the rumor that cum acts as a good moisturizer? Neither have I. But others have, and decided to compare spunk to the store-bought brand by putting that crap all over their face for a month. You know it's a good article when someone says "I've taken to using more perfume just cuz I feel like I smell of spunk."
October 22, 2003
Re-ran
Fred Berry has passed. By all accounts, he was as nice a guy as he acted. His 5 divorces could counter this claim, but hey, suspenders and a beret? That's good people.
Have a "hey HEY Hey" on me. Someone call Rog.
New Job?
I got an e-mail today saying that Andrew Plenn has resigned as the head of the Terrapin Club (left for Colorado - wanted to be closer to Kobe or something). Should I apply? I meet all of their criteria. Except for the 5-7 years experience in collegiate athletics development fundraising. Or the strong oral and written communications skillz. Or the supervisory experience. Too bad being constantly wasted in a university parking lot isn't on the job description....
On second thought - maybe I'll just go for this job.
October 21, 2003
Costumes
ok guys...i need suggestions for halloween costumes. i have several alternatives in my head including a catholic school girl or a cowgirl. what do you guys think? if it comes down to it i'll just go dressed up as a doctor but that won't be all that fun for me. i'd rather wear something cute and fun! oh, and katie needs a costume idea as well! just btw, i do think it's best that we go out somewhere to show off "the family guy" apparel.
Earworms
I'm sure we've all experienced annoying songs that get stuck in our heads. This article about "earworms" is pretty interesting.
October 20, 2003
Homecoming
The ACC has decided to televise our Homecoming game against North Carolina. This means that the game is at Noon. What does this mean, and why is it even post-worthy? Well, it is the day after Halloween. The question becomes, what is everyone going to do for Halloween?
Talk amongst yourselves...
October 19, 2003
Best Auction Ever
This rules. Go Home Depot. Go Beer.
Boo wives, and beaniebabies.
October 17, 2003
Hatin' on short people
I always wanted to be tall enough to dunk, but I think this might be an even better reason to be a few inches taller.
Bottom of the 8th - 1 out
So - 8th inning, 1 out. I saw it turn HORRIBLE for my Cubbies in game 6 (thanks to Bernie Mac.... assjew). So tonight (even though I am cheering for the Yankees) - I saw the Sox had gotten 1 out in the 8th -- and you just knew it was coming...
Pat, I was tempted to call you every time the yanks shortstop came up: "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETEEEEEEEER"
Anyway - fuck the fish, go Yankees.
October 16, 2003
Like Magazines?
OK..so I am more or less just going to jack this from Slick Deals, but I wanted to share. This link will get you upteen amount of magazines for free. Anything from Seventeen to Bowlers Digest (and we all love that one!). Typically you have to fill out a form with your address and some sort of combo detailing what kind of person you are (occupation, age group, etc.). From reading the site, it seems they have a certain amount for different demographics, so you might have to become very creative. Anyway, just thought I would share. Some are crap, but all are free. Enjoy!
October 15, 2003
Attn: Nerds
For all the techie queers that should've already mentioned this:
According to this a lab just sent 1.1 Tbytes over 7,000 miles in less than a half hour. Word.
And I can't get anything but dial-up, $749 installed/99 a month wireless, and $199 ISDN at my house.
You Guys...
...are so gay. Seriously, who cares about China in space and their new world status. China has as much international sway as they want...for the most part they just want to be left alone. And rape people, kill them dead, and every now and then supress basic human rights. Kinda like if Chad were to be made Dean of Duke University.
Now, in the true spirit of TTables, which I know nothing about as I had nothing whatsoever to do with its inception, I present now a link now to the only known footage of the Seigfried-Roy tiger attack. Enjoy now.
Lucky bitch
I would so love to have a job where I could lie around most of the time and have my food and housing paid for. Oh wait, I did, it was called college.
China's new space program
You've probably heard this by now, but it's not getting as much press as it deserves: after keeping the mission a secret for several years, China launched a man into space last night. Although this comes a full 42 years after the Soviet Union's first success, it's still pretty signifigant in terms of international relations, as this shows that China is about to become a more dominant member of the global community. There's even talk of a Chinese moon base.
October 14, 2003
And I thought eating raw squid was weird
From an article on Slate about eating whale meat, here's the most bizarre dish I've ever heard of:
But enough about whale. By far the most diabolical dish I've heard tale of here in Tokyo has nothing at all to do with whales. It seems that in some restaurants, they will put live baby eels in a large bowl of water with a big block of tofu at the bottom. The bowl is heated, and as they become uncomfortably hot, the baby eels burrow down into the cooler tofu. There they are cooked alive, and served like an olive loaf. Any discussion of evil cuisine begins and ends with this recipe.
Wow.
October 13, 2003
Another W.C. Story
So, for yet another day I've been smitten with my intern Billy. This morning he made me tear up when we entered a patient's room and he saw the vase with her roses was empty and he proceeded to fill the vase with water. What a sweetheart!
Duke students are funny
Since making fun of Duke is always a good time, go ahead and check out this video choreographed to R. Kelly's Ignition done by some Duke students (it's 32 MB -- you can download it by right-clicking and 'Save Target As..."). It's funny in a sad sort of way. Thanks to Shorty (and Shorty's friend at Duke) for the link. There's also another video available.
October 10, 2003
Sex is good
No, really. Forbes says so. Not that shocking of an article, but it does contain this following gem, as the article describes that having sex several times a week helps with certain health issues, such as:
Better teeth: Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay. Since this is a family Web site, we will omit discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest--even Tartar Control Crest...
For John
If this isn't up to par, everyone forgive me. I am at work, and adding "Now with Semen!" to images is not exactly part of the job description.
Ig Nobel Prizes
The 2003 Ig Nobel prizes have been awarded. Some of the better research subjects include:
Physics: An Analysis of the Forces Required to Drag Sheep over Various Surfaces
Interdisciplinary Research: Chickens Prefer Beautiful Humans
Biology: The First Case of Homosexual Necrophilia in the Mallard Anas platyrhynchos (Aves: Anatidae)
October 09, 2003
New drinking game
Tonight there will be a debate among the remaining Democratic presidential nominees. For those who end up watching it, there's a drinking game for it. Alas, I will probably not watch it. As I will be out drinking.
Actually, I'll just know be out of the apartment, and I'm just assuming that I will be drinking while I'm out.
Mmm.... Peach
So the new $20 bills come out today. Featuring a wonderful peach color no less. It's only a matter of time until our currency catches up to the rest of the world -- different colors and sizes. Austrailia even prints their money on plastic, and have cool features like see-through windows on their currency.
October 07, 2003
No Boss
The boss is out of the office today, so I actually have time to read and respond to the site. Anyway, for those interested, my car's still not running. That aftermarket radiator is thicker than the original, so with how tight things are in my car, parts aren't fitting. So, I've spent the last few days cutting, grinding, and molding parts out of fiberglass. But it's all coming together, and hopefully I'll be able to drive it by the end of tonight.
Next time I have to replace something on that car, it's getting replaced with the same part.
And on a random side note, I've spent the last few minutes continually hitting Refresh just to read the Family Guy quotes.
Yet another reason to swing freely
This post is especially for John, but I figure everyone can laugh at it too. So of course we're always looking for new things to try to hit with golf balls (houses, cars, and trees having already been well established targets). Not that we needed another reason to aim for people riding scooters, but this has got to be the best reason yet. Whoever came up with the name "Secret Servix" for an all-female scooter club should be drug out into the street, shot like a punk Clemson fan, and then run over repeatedly by a real form of transportation, like a Mack truck.
the lowest level of hell
i have no idea what the lowest level of hell is reserved for, but i do know what goes on there. as i spent an hour trying to find anything decent in Linens and Things for the g-man's wedding, i thought nothing could be worse than last minute shopping off a registry list. and then i saw it. a couple walking around the store, seemingly without aim or purpose. she, in jeans and a sweater, pointing to various items. he, in jeans and a t-shirt, with a sweater wrapped around his waist (so let's just say his manhood is questionable) and a noticable slouch and slumber in his step, aiming a little electronic gun at whatever she pointed at. i confirmed with the sales rep who helped me that they were creating a registry for their wedding and had been there for over two hours. it looked like torture, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. fatboy, take note!
October 06, 2003
W's poem
Laura Bush recently gave a speech at the Library of Congress in which she mentioned a poem that her husband had written to her after she returned from a 5-day trip to Europe. Now, I know I can't write poetry either, but this is a far cry from the writings of, say, Abraham Lincoln:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.
Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed
by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat,
they missed you too
Barney's still mad you dropped him,
he ate your shoe
The distance, my dear
has been such a barrier
Next time you want an adventure,
just land on a carrier.
Hey, at least it rhymed :)
(source)
October 05, 2003
Remington's!
So tailgating was fun this weekend. We pulled off mimosas and egg sandwiches in the morning, and drank a lot in the evening. For those that missed us going to Remington's, it turned out to be a pretty good time. People from all sorts of walks of life were singing karaoke on that stage. We sang Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw. Alas, I did not get to "screw" anyone, but I think I made up for it in the drinking department.