Terrapin Tables

Sometimes the best defense is a good offense

Want to avoid identity theft? Or at least be able to catch someone who does steal your identity? Here's a way. Note to Chris - this now serves as justification for your Olsen twins fascination.

Not again

Is it just me, or don't girls look better with mesh shorts and a ponytail than when they dress up like this?

LEVITRA!

Well it's official boys (and girls)...Dr. Folsom got some LEVITRA propaganda today! I got this really nice pen and a special gift that I'm sending to the boys in Laurel and in Odenton. For those of you who don't know what Levitra is, let me explain. It is the NEW VIAGRA...quicker onset of action, longer lasting, and high fat meals don't interact with the metabolism of it. Apparently those with whom I associate need a way to help get it up...here come the drug reps!

Another engagement

Just in case anyone is interested, my dad just called me from Cape Cod to tell me he proposed to Florence, his girlfriend of one year. For some strange reason, she said yes :) Notes of interest: Her son-in-law was a Navy SEAL, and her 4-year-old grandson actually flirts with girls by winking at them and blowing them kisses. The sad thing is that he can probably pick up more girls at a bar than I can (or Mike - ha!).

New Logo

Since there was some talk last week about updating the logo, I did a real quick first stab at it. Here's my new logo, and here's the old logo for comparison. I could add color to the new logo if that was desired. Or this version could be made greyscale really easily, to serve as the background graphic instead of Testudo. Or we could just stick with Testudo because it looks cool.

Ray Lewis Alert

I thought this stabbing at the Towers was kind of interesting. Gee, wonder if they had to pay a cabbie when the cops arrived.

Glad I don't live there anymore, although you knew something like this would happen eventually.

New Seth MacFarlane toon

According to a Variety.com article, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane will be piloting a new animated show that is very much like Family Guy, with a family similar to the one in All in the Family. Characters include an effeminate alien named Roger and a French-speaking goldfish. Naturally.

Things That Suck

1. When you're hanging out on campus, eating a sandwich, under a tree, reading a book, and a beehive falls out of said tree. And the bees all think you did it. I got stung eight times.
2. New Michael Mann movie. In itself that rules - Mann makes great films. The problem? "Starring Tom Cruise, Jaime Foxx, and Jada Pinkett Smith." Ugh.
3. When you drive 185 miles (round trip) to ride your bike in the woods...and the trail system is closed (unannounced - website was clear) due to hurricane damage.
4. The SHA decides to rip up the pavement on route 50, in every lane, so cars in front of you throw up all kinds of detritus that takes about 5 chips out of the paint of your brand new car.
5. When you're looking forward to your week 7 numer one vs. number two Fantasy Football matchup, and you realize your number one WR, a RB, and BOTH QBs are on a bye. Looks like 12-2 this year.
6. I met my Mom's neighbor tonight, and her two year old son. He has dwarfism. The worst part is his head is misshapen in addition to the dwarfism, so it's massive (it's like Stewie, only vertical) but his body is tiny and chubby like a dwarf. Makes the 5 above seem kind of trivial.

RX-8

My car's broken again, and since I'm so much busier with work now than I was in D.C., it got me thinking about replacing the RX-7 with something more reliable. So I test drove the RX-8, and it was a big disappointment. Nowhere near the performance of the 7. So any reviews that you read that say the 8 has plenty of power are not true. Just thought I'd share that in case anyone was thinking about rushing out and buying one, like I was.

Tornado

So while most of the mid-atlantic states to our north sighed in relief about missing the brunt of Isabel, no one in the small Philadelphia suburb of Havertown was aware of what was to come next. Of course, the worst of it occured on my street. During the storm, our neighbor Ginger was in her car and felt it lift slightly off the ground. Too terrified to get out, she sat in it and watched as trees, fences, and debris crashed down all around her. My street was evacuated and homes were without power for most of the day. All is well now, I'm happy to say.

Cheeseburgers and fries combined

After noticing the success of poultry as a "quick" food (appetizers and nuggets), the beef industry is now trying to make headway by introducing a new product:

Cheeseburger fries.

I mean, Christ, it's bad enough I just had a quarter-pounder along with some Salty Yellow Mush Fries™ from McDonald's. But now it all comes fused together as one gelatinous, deep fried glob.

Things to do List

With the revelation that I need to get on the Threat Matrix before I die, here is a list of other things to do in no particular order.

1. Get on the Threat Matrix
2. Kill someone with my bare hands
3. Sleep with Halle Berry. Not just sex, maybe I could just sneak into her bed in the middle of the night sometime. Though sex would be pretty good.
4. Caddy for Tony Kornheiser
5. Ask the Dell computer guy to super size my order.
6. Hire a better divorce attorney than my ex-wife.
7. Play pick-up basketball in Japan.
8. Drop 'bows on 'em
9. Thwart a hijacking with a rubber band and a paper clip
10. Tell Alex Trebek to "Suck it" in person.
11. Hit someone on a bicycle with a golf ball.
12. Sleep with one of George Bush's daughters
13. Clone Jesus
14. Get into a fight with a clown at a birthday party. Or in a bar.
15. Get hit by a bus.

That's all for now. Stay tuned as this list is by no means comprehensive and is liable to change without notice. I have done 3 of the things on this list

Guess what this is...

Sorry for the rapid posts, but there's a lot of fun links from the weekend to cover... Anywho, those crazy Japanese have done it again... they just keep building cool devices. Just keep scrolling down until you get a firm grasp of what this thing is for (bad pun, I'm sorry). And for the curious, ¥35800 is $320.

The Unsexy List

So the online magazine, Nerve.com, has put up this year's Unsexy List; things that some people consider cool, but when you really think about them, you realize they suck. Things I agree with: lip liner (#1), stillettoes (#25) and food as aphrodisiacs (#27). Things I disagree with: Television (#20), the Internet (#50). I'm sure you're all surprised at that last one. Read the list and discuss amongst yourselves.

"Ogni homo me guarda come fosse una testa de cazi"

Wow, $387,000 for this. Who says Oxford don't know how to party?

Maybe if I take really, really good care of that box under my bed, behind the shoes, and under the old Starter jacket, my great-great-great-grandson could sell MY porn for half a mil one day.

Right, like I'm going to reproduce. I haven't even practiced reproducing since the Carter administration. Hence the need for the box.

Flooding

So, who wants to go kayaking downtown?

Flooding in downtown Annpolis (AP Photo - I don't know these people)

Avast, our fortunate morn has come

Aye, me hearties, tis a day to treasure. To honor this fine day, and the passing of the most wretched storm to touch these cursed waters in years, me thinks that we should be celebrating this evening! When you are through with your working day, perhaps a few of ye scallywags would join an old deckhand for a grog.

Isabel 2003

Where is my minute by minute Isabel update. I logged on expecting to see something about the hurricane that apparently is hanging out in the Mid-Atlantic. Someone should keep some kind of running diary, a la the Sports Guy. Anyways, I hope you're all ok, and hopefully wasted by now.

The jumbles

My apologies for passing on a chain e-mail, but I thought this was kinda cool:

Aoccdrnig to a rsrceeah at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can bea total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Petrty amzanig, huh?

Heh

So apparently an officer in the Army was tasked to paint a water tower in Iraq, so he goes ahead and orders a bunch of orange paint, and gets Iraqis to paint it with the East Tennessee 'Vols' symbol. Good stuff. It would've been better if Testudo was up there, but what are you going to do? I wish I had that picture from Atlanta, with the Vols fan wearing camo. Hicks.

Rao is here (in other words, the Isabel IS coming!)

Earlier, I put forth an argument that the hurricane won't affect us, based on the fact that my life would be better if it did. Now I have reason to suspect the complete opposite - the hurricane is on its way. Why, you ask? Because Rao is here. That's right, C. R. Rao, arguably the most accomplished stastician alive, will be on campus tomorrow giving a talk. I know what you're saying: so what does this have to do with the hurricane, after all roy, you knew Rao was going to be here when you said it wasn't coming. All true, however, I had the pleasure of attending an after dinner party (yes, I wore a tie, no I didn't drink) that was held for him and his wife. My professor talked me into asking him a question, considering he and I spent two years trying to figure out something that had to do with Rao's Distance. So basically, we asked him for help concerning something he published 58 years ago. He not only heard us out, but agreed to meet with us tomorrow to discuss it. So I have the honor of having a meeting tomorrow with Rao himself, the only thing that can stop it is if for some reason, the campus is closed. The campus has not closed for Isabel, choosing to hold out until tomorrow to see if the hurricane is coming. And since I now want it not to affect us, it will. Sorry, but the big storm is coming soon.

My kind of chic

Let me see if I got this Isabel thing straight. As of this morning it was still quite a ways off the coast and yet the surf in the Outer Banks was noticably affected. It's radius has been estimated at somewhere around 200 miles, so that if we're anywhere near the eye we're gonna get it. Oh, and it's always worst to the north and east of the eye, which is where we are in relation to her projected path. So this Isabel is a badass babe who brings mahem to anyone within a few hundred miles. Fearless prediction - the hurricane will pass us by completely, no power will go out, no state of emergency declared, nothing but some heavy rain. Why, you ask? Well I've already had professors mention that if weather conditions are bad, my Thursday night and Friday classes will be canceled. Given that I'd really like them to be canceled so I can catch up on my reading (and perhaps have a nice rum-and-hurricane concoction), there's no way it will hit us. If anything, we'll get the worst of it on Saturday, when I'd like to be outside tailgating.

Thunderstix: An unbiased editorial

Unfortunately, it seems as though the University will be providing Thunderstix for upcoming home games.

Never to back down from a controversy, we here at Terrapin Tables have written a a response to the idiots who intend to use Thunderstix.

Wal-Mart does not equal sexy

So Playboy is looking for Wal-Mart employees to pose for an upcoming issue. That's going to be gross...

In real news, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has put up a ruling to block California's recall election. If it stands, we'll have to wait until March before the election happens. But we're also talking about what is arguably the most liberal court around -- these are the same guys that ruled "under God" should be taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance. Because of their typical knee-jerk judgments, the 9th Circuit is the nation's most overturned appellate court, so who knows if this will stand.

Listening to movies

Pretty cool - a site where some guy ripped the audio off his DVDs and lets you listen to his movie collection. I like working while listening to Eddie Norton bitch about office life. I think the next movie I'll listen to is Office Space, all while doing about 15 minutes of actual work for the day.

Come and Knock on Our Door

So, John Ritter died of a massive heart attack. Apparently he was on the set of that 8 Simple Rules show. One of the only sitcoms that was actually doing well on television.

The debate this morning on the radio, and I will pass it along...Chrissy or Janet???

Talk amongst yourselves...

Random question for Roy

... or anyone else who speaks French.

What's the French word for skunk?

I can't find it in any on-line French dictionaries and mine is at home. (No comments on that one from the Peanut gallery thanks.)

Author Playground

This is a quick crash-course into special XHTML codes for entries. If you want to change the look and feel of the text (or its spacing), you'll use a "span" tag (for inline statements... ones with no linebreaks) or a "div" tag (for anything with a linebreak). You'll use the style parameter and then some code enclosed in double quotes, separated by semicolons.

** Changing Font Styles (span tags)**

This is the simple way to change text. You can continue writing with normal text after closing the span tag.

** Making a box/grouping paragraphs (div tags) **

** Images **

Here's an image tag. Note you need to have that alt paramter in there. Use style again to get rid of borders. And close it with a space+slash+greater than sign.

Note it didn't center cause it's not in a div tag.

This has smaller, centered text, so it can be used as a caption. There has to be a blank line above captions.

** Lists **

• Lists aren't too bad.
• If you have text above the list, make sure there's a line of whitespace above the ul tag
• You have to be anal with closing the li tags
• And since there's linebreaks, you'll have to close it that weird way IF it's in a div tag.

Uncle Sam, the 50's, and sex

The University of Minnesota has put up an image archive of American Social Hygene Posters put out by the government. You get to learn about the dangers of prostitutes and this slick fellow here.

Tattle TVs

So GPS technology is taking off. This is kind of a cool idea, but what happens if you move? Are the police going to arrest you if you move your t.v. and stereo separately?! Good idea, though perhaps not yet practical.

Beginner's Guide to Malt Liquor

One of my old favorites that came up again in conversation today. Fo Shizzle.

Woo! Penguins!

So, most of you don't care, but since I was talking about the comic strip 'Bloom County' this very morning, and then I happen to run across this article on one of the nerd sites saying that Berkeley Breathed is creating a new comic featuring Opus the penguin, I feel that I'm somehow obligated to make this news available to you. So, there you go. For those that don't remember, 'Bloom County' featured a bunch of deranged animals, and the strip focused on a lot on the political world when it ran in the 80's. I'd imagine this new strip will make quite a bit of fun of Dubya, for those who like that sort of thing.

True

Heh. Stealth Disco.

Seems like something I would do. Anywho, check out the 'best of' link of the Stealth Disco. It's a nice movie file of people dancing while others are completely unaware of it. Kind of like how John and Sarah were imitating my style at Gluck's this weekend...

And for God's sake, I've got to know more people who want to skydive. Tentative date: Oct. 19th. Email me for more info.

Unexpected Journalism

Okay, I've been readying the Washington Post for a long time, but I never thought I'd see an article like this one. I agree with their conclusion that the exact draw of the Madonna-Britney thing can be a little hard to define, but that it basically comes down to volume. Yes that's right ladies, guys do sometimes think of women in quantities, preferably at least one, though the hula chickie hanging in our window does count as a half.

And of course, what would a TT post be without one alcohol-related quote:

"I think a wise man once told me that no woman is more than five beers away from being a lesbian." Said by a random guy they interviewed for the story. I was hoping they were looking for volunteers to try out guys' reactions to this, but oh well. Back to running that video clip over and over again. Shazaam!

Best product ever

We should all pool our money together and buy one of these. A car that converts to a watercraft. Very cool.

The Depths of Hell

I have seen the depths of hell, and it is horrible. I have just watched an NFL pregrame show featuring Rush Limbaugh talking to Chris Berman. Dammit when do I get to watch Britney kiss Madonna again.

Fireworks are fun

So did you hear about the asshat who had fireworks explode in his asscrack? This guy is an amateur. As you clearly see from my demonstration, the fireworks should be placed in front of the genitalia, resulting in a luminous, injury-free display.

eat more chikin

chik fil a has opened in the student union, and at first taste, i give it a high rating. a bit more expensive than the taco bell or mcdonald's dollar menu, but it offered quite a bang for the buck: the chicken breast was larger than the bun, the waffle fries good, and the size of the cup of soda bordered on reaching "vat" status. it's the best eatin' in the union since they shut down boardwalk fries, and moderates my yearning for the roy rogers. the biggest drawback of the place is that it is in one of the new sections of the union, and so on one level it represents that which i oppose. however, given that i am in the field i am in, i know not to shoot the messenger and not to blame the good folks at chik fil a. they'll be seeing more of me, that's for sure.

Hey kids

So most of us are back from the Outer Banks. Good times were had by all. Between the ocean, the pool, and the hot tub, I surely spent enough time in the water.

So I've been looking for good stuff to link to today, but all the top stories on the nerd websites are political. And the last thing this worlds needs is another website talking about the evils of Bush/Cheney/Middle East... etc. So I'll just make sure everyone knows Charles Bronson has died this weekend. He shall always be remembered by me, because he is made fun of in a Simpsons quote.

[the following is an exchange between a young boy and his mother, both of which look like Charles Bronson]

"Hey, Ma. How about some cookies?"
"No dice"
"This ain't over."

Classic.