Terrapin Tables

That is a delicious idea. Not just because beer is delicious, I mean delicious in a metaphorical way, too.

Good side:

- Giving shitty beer to kids means more good beer for grown-ups.
- Starting them on cheap beer will teach them to work up to the good stuff - like the corporate ladder, driving, and BDSM, kids need to learn to start at the bottom and work towards the top.
- Like reading, right-wing indoctrination, and racism, children need to begin work on their alcohol tolerance at an early age.
- More kids dressed like Duff Man, less like princesses. Stupid princesses.
- More underage drunks means less drunk drivers. I mean, these kids don't have drivers' licenses. Think about it.
- This will start a paradigm shift in how we view holidays, and we can finally replace Christmas stockings with those purple Crown Royal bags.
- Kids dressed as Miami Dolphins players will be able to fall back on, "yeah, I'm smashed and don't know what I'm doing" instead of having to answer for the team's play.
- Renaming off the night, from "Halloween" to "Professor Daddy's National Pre-November Tailgate and Evening of Youth Improvement," or "NAMBLA" for short.
- "Thank you" from trick-or-treaters to be replaced with "You don't know me."

Bad side:
- Right, like I'm just giving beer away over here.
- More kids knocking on the door, interrupting me in the middle of Blowbang Vol. 47
- Difficult to fully replace candy as a trick-or-treat handout, and chocolate + beer = gross, bitter, and brown vomit that won't come off the bowl no matter how hard I scrub. Worst Sunday morning ever.
- That one really cool house that always hands out those huge candy bars? Probably move laterally into pony keg dispensing, and I don't think the hand truck industry is ready for the increase in demand. There will be chaos in the aisles of Anderson Industrial and Farm Supply of Midland, Oklahoma.
- I do not feel like hauling a couple thirty packs around on October 30th.
- How to keep all that beer cold when you walk around all night?

On the whole, I think the idea is a push - good vs. bad balance out. So we must ask, how will this effect our drinking? And, since there's a good chance that doling beer out to children now will create a healthy base of grateful 21 year olds with disposable income in the future, who will likely buy me a beer as a thank-you, I am officially endorsing this move. Well done, Mr. Shafer.