Terrapin Tables

"Founded by four University of Maryland Students," - you don't say.

"based on idea stemmed from an 8,000 mile cross country road trip" - web surfing is not equal to road tripping, asshats.

"The University of Maryland coffee table launched in March of 2006," - oh, okay, you're only four years late. And only yuppies party with coffee.

"allowing Terps fans to experience "The Home Court Advantage" TM." - at least they created an original slogan. Does this mean you can throw bottles and not sing Gary Glitter songs in your very own living room now? Because I call that "Thursday."

"Graphics are designed with meticulous attention to detail," - yes, they are. Fatboy's attention to detail.

"With more schools and products to come in the near future" - yes, expect an email from the marketing department at Frito-Lay.

"a full refund will be given only if merchandise is returned in original packaging" - so, you have to drive down Guilford Ave. yourself, have these dudes come back over to your place, and put the table back in whatever mid-90s Honda they used to drop off the table? No dice.

Varsity Colors
3570 Van Munching Hall
College Park, MD 20704

What the hell? They're on campus? I guess that's how they got a pic of their table at center court, while the TTables product photo was staged in a beer-soaked hole in scenic downtown Springhill Lake. And, their "promotional events" calendar is blank. At least they have a bleak future ahead of them, like everyone that ever picked a cup up off the real table. Yay lack of prospects.

Simpsons did it!

If they come out with a portable version to take to tailgates, I'm suing.

Besides, our table was of Cole, so it was cooler, anyway.

And ours wasn't 18" high, so we can at least use it for something besides putting magazines on it.