Things I see when I get up before 2 p.m. (I tried my best to get all quotes exact):
On Judge Mathis:
"Plaintiff [some woman] ended her relationship with the defendant after he allegedly gave her a sexually transmitted disease. She's suing for damaged property."
Some TV movie:
[During a girl's first kiss]: "I love the word epiphany...it sounds like icicles breaking."
ESPN:
Sean Salsbury picks, in one of those damn "if you had to win one game" timekillers, Michael Vick over Duante Culpepper. Yeah.
ABC News show:
[Unidentified, probably churchular Spokeswoman]: "Within two weeks of the start of Oklahomas 2005 legislative session, 10 anti-gay bills were introduced." Wow...that's thoroughly and amazingly retarded.
Some girl, talking about homosexuals: "I don't think they should do that, because God did create Adam and Eve, and that's what I believe." (For the record, she didn't look so much determined or even angered as she resembled an unsure politician reciting the party line, possibly realizing they disagree, but too afraid to protest.)
[Spokeswoman again]: "After Michael had been gay for some months, his mother went and talked to their pastor to see what they could do to turn Michael back to normal. The pastor knew he had to address this from the pulpit somehow." Uggggggggh.
Maury Povich show, "Make-over my geeky family":
Mother, sobbing: "Oh Maury, I just want my son to be cool and get a girl." For the record, my Mom has never tried to get me laid on TV.
Cold Pizza:
Woody Paige is wearing an "Indiannapolis Colts - Super Bowl XXXIX Champs" T-Shirt. Thanks Woody; they are now doomed to a NE 24, IND 17 weekend. I want to see Peyton get a ring, but part of me is still bothered - though I was too young to remember it - by the thought of a fleet of Mayflower trucks in the middle of night, and therefore says "Eff the Colts."
I could go on, but you get the point. Daytime TV is t3h suck.
Posted by Chris at January 13, 2005 10:23 AMas some of you know, the sideline reporter on cold pizza (zach) is a friend of mine from home. getting past the bitterness of him getting chearleaders phone numbers when they get on the show, and being invited to playboy playmate parties, he's a pretty funny guy and doesn't take anything too seriously. i didn't see the spot, but apparently they sent him as part of their coverage for the carlos beltran press conference and he did an interview with scott boras in which he confirmed with boras that the contract was for 7 years and $119 million. with a straight face, he then asked boras why 119 and not 120. i do not think boras reacted well.
Posted by: roy at January 13, 2005 11:05 AMNow I'm watching "The Match Game" from 1990 on GSN. Marcia Wallace - we know her as the voice of Edna Krabbapple - is on. And, I recognize her from my least favorite TV commercial. You know the series of ads where people make telephone noises when shopping ("for one, press BEEP")? Well, the one at the makeup counter with the hideous red-headed woman? That hideous woman is Edna's voice. Too bad this gameshow was filmed duing, at the latest, the 2nd season of Simpsons...I want to hear her go "Hah!".
Posted by: Chris at January 13, 2005 11:09 AM