What presure is that? Why, the pressure on America's cultural barometer, of course. Isn't this tremendous writing? Anyway, I see Lycos has released it's list of top-100-searched-terms for the year 2004. Some notables:
1. Janet Jackson
2. Paris Hilton
3. Clay Aiken
4. Britney Spears
5. Nick Berg
9. Michelle Vieth
10. Poker
15. NFL
16. Iraq War
17. WWE
21. Hilary Duff
22. Halloween
23. Catherine Bosley
24. Playstation
25. Final Fantasy
26. Harry Potter
27. IRS
28. Jennifer Lopez
29. Baseball
37. Tara Reid
38. NASCAR
39. Usher
80. Prom Hairstyles
81. George W. Bush
82. Tupac Shakur
Okay, here we go. Janet Jackson at #1? Anyone that thinks her "revelation" was an accident is a moron, and her boob was still covered...you see more during a Girls Gone Wild commercial. But at least, for a while, Janet Jackson was a talented artist, in stark contrast to the rest of the top 5: some of the worst "entertainment" (I was going to put "music," but I couldn't bear to insult music like that, and even after I chose "entertainment," I still had to put quotes on it) that has ever existed, in any form, across the known and unknown universe. Seriously, Paris Hilton is the second most-searched entity in America? That silly, stupid, spoiled whore. My god.
You may have noticed a flaw in my attack on the top 5: Nick Berg is not by any means an entertainer. I assumed he was some boy band guy or actor: turns out he was abduted and killed in Iraq. So, in the top 5 searched figures, one entity, respectable at best, noteworthy at least, is found. Good job 'murrica.
Some chick named Michelle Vieth came in at 9: I've never heard of her, either, and she beat poker, so I had to give it a look. What I realized was both reassuring and a little disconcerting: I have no idea what's going on. Some Spanish language TV host gets in at nine? Where have I been? I mean, I don't feel sorry I missed it, but I still missed it...and she beat poker?!
Football beat out the war: which means more people know T.O. has a tweaked leg than realize Hussein and Osama didn't work together. That feels good. And that fact that Rasslin almost beat them both, well, makes me want to swallow Drano.
In the 20's there are more problems: what the hell is a Catherine Bosley? Nevermind, I Googled it, you don't want to know. And Final Fantasy is the first game on the map? Bullshit, not with the entire PC universe waiting for HalfLife 2 for 11 months out of the year, and Doom 3 for another large chunk of '04. Seriously, Diablo II made the list and nothing from Valve or iD did? Right. And, taxes beat MLB. Sounds about right: A 1040EZ is a lot more fun and takes a lot less time than your average baseball game. America's Game: The Quest for the Standard Deduction.
37-39? Kill me. Now.
The president - a figure that only a few years ago was the single most-protested-against person in world history - comes in below Prom hairstyles. Yeah. Who cares what happens to extra-poor people, we're only mildly-poor...so I better look purty for the dance. It's interesting that Bush and Tupac were right next to each other, because for the rich and white a Halliburton logo says the same thing as a "Thug Life" tattoo.
There is a large problem with assuming this list represents all of America: Lycos is not a terribly popular engine, and smart people use Google - I doubt "Evanescence" made Google's top 100, but it cracks in at 99 here. So maybe the list is a little off - but I wonder how many Spanish-langage figures would make Google's list.
And what is in last place? The final word on all that is wrong with communication, government, American ignorance, and the idea of truth: FOXnews. Craptacular.
So lift yr glass to '05 and pray to anything you've got that things might get better. Yeah, they won't. At least that Tupac/Halliburton line will make me rich when I sell it to Puffy for his new album.
Posted by Chris at December 28, 2004 01:07 PMWhat amazes me is the influence that our motley crew is able to have on the internet. I have to imagine that Roy is largely responsible for Usher's ranking, Chris's repeated searches for the Olsen twins no doubt moved them up the charts, and I think Evanescence owes their popularity to Mike. I need to get cracking, as Halle Berry does not make the list. And you mean to tell me porn didn't make the list. Come on. Rick has been slacking.
Posted by: John at December 28, 2004 03:29 PMYeah, I was gonna mention porn, but figured I already had the "Longest Post Ever" title locked down. Lycos must have censored their results - "sex" is always number one - which bothers me as much as anything they chose to leave on the list.
Posted by: Chris at December 28, 2004 06:27 PM"I have to imagine that Roy is largely responsible for Usher's ranking"
Where do you think I learned all my dance moves?
Posted by: roy at December 29, 2004 12:28 PMI think it is probably worth mentioning, that if the rest of America is anything like my office, the only reason that most people where searching Nick Berg was because there was a copy of the video shoing his beheading on the internet.
Posted by: Blough at December 29, 2004 12:42 PMAlso, go to Yahoo, and type in "rudy huxtable". Look at number 4 on the list. I have no idea why, but we're there.
And Chris, here's the top searches that leads people to Terrapin Tables:
beer pong tables
beer pong
rudy huxtable
beer pong rules
beer pong table
how to play beer pong
chris duhon
beer pong online
paris hilton
beer pong game
Yup, we got Paris Hilton as well.
Posted by: Rick at December 30, 2004 10:17 PMI cannot believe Chris Duhon is on our list - and is the only athlete. You know, I heard he was gay (?).
Posted by: Chris at December 31, 2004 01:03 AM