All Hallow's Eve, or whatever the hell some artsy person smarter than me would call it. Roy and I began the evening sitting on the couch, myself dressed as a sailor, Roy as a pedophile. I mean Eagle Scout. The uniform originally belonged to Rick. Everyone put on your surprised face. At some point I decided to drive to Fells Point. Then I drove to Canton. Then I drove to Delaware, where I was finally able to find a place to park. The guy I suspected was going to ask me for money liked my costume. And didn't ask me for money. Someone explain to me the kind of person that would wear nothing but a jock strap as a Halloween costume. Sure it is supposed to be one of those Jackass characters, but do I really want to start the evening looking like I got hammered, did something stupid, like putting on a jockstrap and passed out? How about you just puke on your shirt, draw all over yourself with black markers, piss in your pants and then go out for Halloween as a passed out frat boy. Note to self: Dress as passed out frat boy next year. Watching Rick trying to swallow Zorro's sword is high comedy. Remarkable restraint of the gag reflex. I am really glad we talked to the guy wearing a striped dress shirt with a unitard over it. Really. I am. To guy in unitard: "What are you dressed as?" Guy: "A wrestler." To Guy: "Why do you have a dress shirt on?" At this point the conversation becomes hazy, but I will assure you that I was not impressed with the response. Perhaps someone else can help me out with that part. The consensus amongst the females seemed to be that Judy's shirt made her boobs look good. Chris went as Johnny Damon for Halloween. If you didn't see him, he clearly dressed as a park ranger of some sort. Khaki shirt, long pants, Crocodile Dundee hat, belt with various utilities. The whole get-up. To paraphrase a comment from random person: "Dude, you're Johnny Damon." So in a bit of revisionist history, Chris went as Johnny Damon dressed as a park ranger. If you look so much like someone culturally relevant, that even if you dress up as something else, people assume you are said relevant person, perhaps you should just go as Johnny Damon. A girl gave me a condom that said "Support Your Seamen" or something on it. Then told my why it was appropriate because I was dressed as a sailor. Thanks for clearing that up. Regardless, it is still cool to receive condoms from random women. Not nearly as cool if a guy were to give you one. Especially if that guy is Roy and he is wearing and eagle scout outfit. How obnoxious must a girl be if I will not buy her a drink. Pretty obnoxious. I had been drinking. This person was relatively easy on the eyes. I can be made pliable with feminine wares. And yet, still no drink. Why? Because it was painfully obvious that you wanted a drink and nothing else. No interest in me outside of my vending machine potential. Not even for idle conversation. Give me a smooch, do what you will. I am an oak. It also helps that I heard you and your friends discussing your plan to extract booze. I am standing right here. I can hear you. And the unrivaled highlight of the evening is a conversation overheard walking down the street. Guy 1: "You were hitting on two ugly chicks." Guy 2 with a straight face (I am not making this up): "I was practicing."
Posted by John at November 1, 2004 01:01 PMthis has nothing to do with halloween but could someone put "W 20-17" under the FSU Seminole located on the Tailgating page. i just want to see it.
in other news, Halloween was fun. i really did think judy's boobs looked good. i think my lowlight was realizing that my younger cousin is actually only 20. his dad married my aunt and thus i have no recollection of his birth, his baptism, any of his birthdays. anyways, sorry to those of you who seemed utterly pissed with this (sorry McCreary). one of my highlights was at Max's...the drunk girl who was blabbering nonsensical words to judy. i think at some point we realized she wanted one of the guys at the table to take a shot with her and her friends. but no. that was not the case. she wanted to set her drink down on our table and talk loudly and obnoxiously on her cell phone to someone. it was pretty funny for those of us who were privy to witness it. rick's attempt to swallow james's sword (please don't make a crude joke) was definitely number 2 in the highlight reel.
also, the party i went to on saturday night was extremely fun. kirsten and leon were dressed as renaissance (spelling rick?!) people (that means kir was a wench). they had a pumpkin throwing up at the front door. very clever really. my friend holly called me up and said she was going as a ghostbuster (she taped cutouts of ghosts on her breasts). again clever. i had pumpkin cookies, and pumpkin cheesecake but i refrained from the pumpkin ale. i had miller lite instead as i played multiple one-on-one games of beer pong with a new york yankee who i would later exchange numbers with. probably the best way i could spend three hours post-all-day-tailgating and about twenty dollars in toll money. i slept soundly knowing that when i woke up i would set my clock back and fall back into the bed. the drive back from jersey was stellar, i went on a great hike, and i spent sunday night hanging out with lots of people dressed up in fun costumes. all in all - a great weekend.
Speaking of Halloween observations, here're a couple for you- me and Irma's Halloween costumes. I'm making these text links instead of just posting these pictures. You'll thank me once you see them.
Irma and Fatboy
Fatboy by himself
BTW, we one the prize for the best costumes at the party.
Posted by: Fatboy at November 1, 2004 09:35 PMThank you Fatboy. I didn't want to digest that burrito anyway. It's much better spewed back all over my keyboard. And, you "won" the contest. Sorry.
Thank you also to John, for coming out when he didn't want to, for the ride to my car, which I shouldn't have driven, for attempting to assist in the satiating of my desire for all the bad things in life, and for watching my wallet with the St. Pauli Girl. I got the last laugh though, and will leave it at that (gotta love a birthday girl).
Apparently, according to the aforementioned wrestler-in-a-dress-shirt, I wasn't a forest ranger last night. No matter what I said. In fact, I wasn't even Chris. It is entirely possible he believed I literally WAS Johnny Damon. Who knows. Who cares. I even told him I was a Cardinals fan (not entirely untrue, but come on, I can't name 4 Cardinals...Rolen, Edmonds, Larry Walker?, Pujols...okay, I think I got four, but seriously, that's it) and that wouldn't stop him from reassuring me, with much fervor, that I was Johnny Damon. Good times...good, good times.
Next year is even worse - Halloween is a Monday night - but I expect more disgusting behavior out of at least some of you. You know who you are.
Posted by: Chris at November 1, 2004 10:58 PMLooks like Anna Nicole Smith
Posted by: Nate at November 2, 2004 06:52 AM
