Terrapin Tables

stories that keep me sane

yes, it's almost 4 am Saturday, and I'm at work. right now, these anecdotes are the only thing keeping me going.

i walked down to wawa yesterday (i can tell you're shocked). on the way, i passed south campus dining hall, where i overheard two guys complaining about how long the line was and how long it took to get some ice cream. it reminded me of a rule of morality that i had long forgotten. i present it now, with proof, as boot's theorem.

theorem: unless your jaw is wired shut, you are a bad person if you order a milkshake in the dining hall when the line for ice cream is greater than 3 customers (excluding yourself, but including anyone else in your party who may also intend on purchasing ice cream of some sort). it matters not that your boyfriend dumped you. in fact, he probably dumped you because you are the kind of person who would order a milkshake when there are more than 3 customers waiting in line.

proof: self-evident

so i was grinning when i got to wawa, but that's when the real fun started. i picked up some iced tea (update: current ice tea consumption since the beginning of comps: 2 gallons) and got in line. in the front of the line were three girls, you know the type, they had just strolled down from the towers wearing clothes no girl should wear at 7 pm, probably walked down from the towers just so they could get their frappamochacappayayas from wawa...

sidenote, we will now state and prove a corrollary to boot's theorem

corrollary: unless you have been mugged and the burglar did not want your credit card, you are a bad person if you use a credit card to buy something that costs less than $10 when the line is greater than 3 customers.

proof: see proof of boot's theory

anyway, the last of the three girls was buying her frappamochajobby and (as you may have guessed) paying with her credit card when she asked the cashier to get her a pack of cigarettes. the cashier then launched into a tirade. the conversation went something like this

cashier: (yelling) smoking is horrible for you! you should never buy these things! they're poisonous and expensive!
chicky: (silent)
cashier: (yelling, but getting the cigarettes) you should save your money! buy something else nice for yourself!
chicky: i don't want anything else, and they're not that expensive
cashier: (yelling, but ringing her up) they ARE expensive! if you don't want to buy something else, save your money, save for a vacation!
chicky: i already have a beach house

and then the chicky just walked away. it took every ounce of energy not to laugh, because i was afraid i would be perceived at laughing at the cashier. i honestly looked around the whole building to see if there was a camera on me, expecting the girl to walk back in say "smile, your on chicky chick camera" and then they'd give me a courtesy copy of the setup.

Posted by Roy at September 26, 2004 03:48 AM