Good lord I look like shit today. At some point this morning, through some fogged up mirror & blurry eyes, I decided I could go to work without shaving. I've done it before, I could just pass it off as some stubble, I thought. As it turns out, I have made a serious miscalculation. Instead I look like a derelict. In fact, it looks like a homeless person broke into my office, took whatever (wrinkled) clothes were hanging on the hook on the back of my door, put them on, and sat down at a computer. My sideburns are growing at a rate that is not consistent with any other part of my head. Pretty soon, I will appear as though I have dirty blonde gills. It is within the scope of reason that at some point during the day that I have been fired and no one has the heart to tell me. It does not help that while I believe I am wearing a blue shirt with gray pants, it is possible that I am wearing a blue shirt with some off-shade of green pants. Blue shirt, green pants, black belt, socks & shoes. Not a pretty picture. Furthermore, my pants have a button and inside the waistband a clasp thing. On this particular pair of pants, the button is missing. If I was not wearing a belt, it would looks as though I was walking around with some kind of rayon-polyester blend erection. As Chris & Pat know, I smashed my sunglasses with my emergency brake on Friday night so now I am wearing a pair of sunglasses that would be servicable were the frames not red. I do not take much solace in the fact that my sunglass frames match the 11 year old paint job on my car. Do you contest the fact that all the cool people have sunglasses that match their car, no matter how repulsive the shade? Well obviously you are not operating on the same lurid fashion/hygiene, showered but unshaven spectrum that I am, buddy. And for that I envy you. Thus commences this rant.
Posted by John at July 27, 2004 03:38 PMReasons you should feel better:
-I look like shit everyday.
-Boo-hoo, your clean, respectable clothes are rumpled...I wore a Nestle Quik T-shirt for three straight days last week.
-I do not own sunglasses.
-My erections are not made of resilient, stain-proof rayon-poly blends, but rather they are made of sensitive, easily damaged skin.
-You shave daily? La-dee-da mr. fancypants, I bet you brush your teeth every day too. Phuh.
-I only WISH I had gills, you lucky half-fish, half-man super mutant.
i think you should seriously consider either growing long hair, a beard and playing professional baseball (like johnny damon) or moving to a place where the "scruff" look is widely accepted (like montana). remember this may be what kurt cobain began his nirvana with during the grunge era.
Posted by: michelle at July 28, 2004 12:17 PMI think you are sublty suggesting that I date Courtney Love and blow my own head off with a shotgun. Nice try, but I will pine for Halle Berry until I get hit by a bus, thank you very much.
Posted by: John at July 28, 2004 01:23 PMcongrats on your morbid sense of humor finally creating delusions. no implications from this well groomed, put together young lady. i hope halle comes to her senses and puts your mind (and other parts of your body) at ease. maybe she'd dig the grunge look.
Posted by: michelle at July 28, 2004 05:46 PM