So I'm walking to school and some goofball comes tearing ass across the Quality Inn parking lot, where I believe he'd been chillin' with 4 of your friends, trying to get onto Rt. 1 south. I'm headed to class walking up Rt. 1, on the sidewalk of course, and reach the little dip in the pavement for car travel just as he pulls up to the street (from the parking lot...you follow?). As a rule I always look the driver in the eyes as I walk in front of the car - that way I know if they're paying any sort of fucking attention to pedestrians. Well, this guy never looked to his right - just left at the traffic coming up the road. From this and his body language, all I'm-such-a-fucking-busy-guy crowding the wheel and shit, I KNEW this guy was going to screw up. So I was ready.
Sho'Nuf, soon as I was directly in front of his car - dead center - he starts pulling out. So, this Mercury wagon is pushing me into Rt. 1 and I'm pounding on the front of his car so he realizes he's FUCKING RUNNING ME OVER WITH A CAR. I wasn't being "run over" like falling over, but only because I was paying attention. If I hadn't I would'a been flattened.
So after going backwards about three feet - I'm almost in the middle of the right-hand lane of Rt.1, right across from where T-Shirt Factory was - he comes to realize he's a dipshit. I scream "What the FUCK", as was my wont, and get the hands-in-air "I don't know what I'm doing" look. So I make him an equitable offer: if he would kindly step out of the car, I would kick his fucking ass. For whatever reason, he did not accept my proposal. He locked his doors like a little bitch.
So, deciding not to let this go, I make a fist and bring it straight down on the hood of his car. You know that clip from the Hellboy commercials where he punches that car and it flips over his head? Same move, less drama. This guy got away with a subtle foot-around, 6-inch-deep depression in his hood. It was a beautiful dent. I stepped to the side, he drove the fuck away. At great speed.
There were witnesses - an older white lady and two black guys. The guys were laughing their ass of at this terrified driver, and I got the chest-pound for my testicular fortitude. I guess that means I did good.
Posted by Chris at April 19, 2004 11:33 PMLongest post ever. Wow. I didn't realize.
Oh well, it's a good story.
Posted by: Chris at April 19, 2004 11:34 PMI can't believe nobody's replied to this, yet. I would have, but I've been so damned busy with a project here at work that this is the first time I've sat at my computer for more than 30 seconds all week. Anyway, good story.
Posted by: Fatboy at April 22, 2004 05:27 PMthat's a crazy story Chris! thank goodness you aren't hurt...way to give him the dent in his car...he deserved it!
Posted by: michelle at April 23, 2004 09:11 AM