Terrapin Tables

Just to show you how much I know, and what great taste I have , I owned a couple of these automotive masterpieces.

Uh oh, my Dad is on the site, no more talk of hookers and cocaine. Oh wait...Anyway, the Yugo GV has to be a top 5 worst idea ever. And didn't Niki own that Oldsmobile Delta 88? Or just something that looked as large.

i'd also like the record to show that all you haters who claimed my celebrity was one of the worst cars ever are now and forever proven wrong.

p.s. you know it'll be time to shut the website down when my mom finds it.

No list of crappy cars would be complete without the Ford Fiesta, which my father drove. He also owned a number of Ford Pintos. I am proud to carry on this family tradition. While the model of cars I have driven may not be pieces of crap, the individual cars I have had the pleasure of driving have certainly been steaming piles.

But where is the Chevy El Camino on that list? Certainly not one of the prettiest cars ever built. Did it have other merits that I am unaware of...?

Dammit! I can't see the list because of UMD internet restrictions. I really want to experience the vindication of seeing the Bronco II on the list. As I understand it, my ex-2.9L V6 has Ford's all-time worst service record for engines, and my ex-A4LD transmission has Ford's second worst record. But still, I loved that truck.

There should be a special allowance, or a side-list, for "cars Chris has owned prior to 2003." '83 GT Mustang, '88 Caravan (five-speed stick, no less), '90 Bronco II...a trio of winners.

So what is TT's worst car ever? Biggest pile of crap any of us have owned? My votes (I get two) go to my Caravan - once a dog-hauler, never a winner - and Nate's '67 BelAir, though the fun factor on these two cars was through the roof, they sucked on their own.

That '67 was something else, but I think my vote has to go to Fatboy's Shit-Wagon. What was that anyway, like an '85 Subaru hatchback?

The shitwagon was funny. I was always waiting for the day that Springhill Lake management mistook it for a broken-down car and towed it away.

I liked the Shit wagon. It broke my heart the day I had to scrap it because of that asshole who cut me off on the B-W parkway. But it still gets my vote. And yes, Pat, it was a 3 door '85 Subaru hatchback.

Does anyone remember the HOOPTIE?

I used to drive a 1969 Chevy Van to work at the kennel. It looked kind of like this except it was primer colored peppered with spots of bondo, sheet-metal riveted all around the bottom of the body to prevent further rust. The engine was in the passenger compartment. That is to say, across the front of the cabin of the van there was the driver's seat, then the engine, then the passenger seat. If you left anything plastic on the 'hood' that covered the engine, it melted. It had a giant steering wheel and drove like a tug boat. The automatic shifter was on the column and while turning the steering wheel you could accidentally bump into the shifter, thereby taking the transmission from drive to neutral to reverse in one fell swoop. Sometimes this happened at fairly decent speeds. Needless to say, a horrible noise world result, and its grand total of three idiot lights would glow bright red. For a long time, the van was a kind of paperweight for the driveway. Now it is keeping the area behind the shed from blowing away, hidden from prying eyes.

Personally, my vote is for the '87 Celica I had that wouldn't run in the rain, or if the AC was on, or if it had just decided to be lazy. Now that was a piece of shit car. Its still sitting in my parents driveway -- pinned there by the tree that was its ultimate demise...