Terrapin Tables

I thought that "Worst Movie Ever" line in the title of this thread was just hyperbole. But according to IMDB, it really is, the worst movie ever. It's been voted even lower than a movie called "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

If anyone can, try and find Ben Affleck's appearance on Jay Leno from Monday. He read some of his favorite bad reviews of Gigli. From what I can remember, one of them even implied that 'Glitter' was better. Perish the thought.

Actually, according to IMDB (thanks for the link Fatboy), Glitter was better... by several slots.

Someone just kill Affleck and J Lo...just makes life much easier, and saves movies like Gigli from being made. Glitter, on the other hand, we will let Rick take care of Ms. Mariah Carey.

Yeah, look at the 3rd-worst movie on that list -- it was shot with a handheld camera that could only record 30 seconds at at time! (link)

Well, for the sake of Jay and Silent Bob, let's hope that Affleck and J Lo can be in a movie together without it sucking.

I know there are lists from various critics, but how about our own list of the worst movies we've ever seen? For example, Ishtar, Glitter, and Showgirls are widely recognized as terrible movies, but since I haven't seen them, I can't put them on such a list. Four off the top of my head:

Speed - just awful

Interview With A Vampire - actually quite funny, unintentionally

Only The Lonely - not even John Candy could save this film

and without question the worst movie I've ever seen...

Bounce - a romantic comedy that was neither romantic nor a comedy. truly, i cannot put into words how bad this was.

Speed? I don't remember that one. But I did see this movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Also, I rented Troll 2 (#4 on IMDB worst) just for the fun of it. Terrible -- the actors occasionally look at the screen and such during the film. Good times...

• Judge Dredd - Pretty f-ing bad, especially considering it was aimed at my demographic
• Batman and Robin - Joel Schumacher needs to stop putting nipples on Batman's costume. Oh yeah, and stop making shitty fucking movies with my girl Alicia Silverstone
• Hope Floats - A romantic comedy that was so bad I just got up and left the theater halfway though. Would've left my date there as well if she hadn't followed me out.

Dumb & Dumber, Ace Venture, or pretty much anything with Jim Carey besides Truman Show or Man on the Moon. I still haven't been able to sit through an entire showing of Dumb & Dumber.

Other than slapstick, I'm pretty easily entertained; as long as there's any pace at all to the movie, I'll sit there and watch it (complaining the whole time about how they're breaking the laws of physics). The only movie that I've seen in the theaters lately that didn't keep me entertained the whole time was Meet the Parents. It bogged down so much in the middle that I kept looking at my watch to see how much time was left.

As far as worst acting in a movie that I've seen recently, that would have to go to Death Rides a Horse. Lee van Cleef did good, but John Phillip Law (the lead character), delivered his lines with as much talent as a loaf of bread. But it still kept me entertained, so it doesn't make the list.

So in summary: almost anything by Jim Carey & Meet the Parents

I used to have a copy of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" which I stole from Movie King...while I was the manager. I took the box, too. It really is classically bad, on par with that movie about a certain grinchy character entitled "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't, But Then Was Again."

Incidentally, I scanned the box cover for "Conquers" and sent it to IMDB so they'd have a pic for the page, but it was never posted. Bastards.